


For As Long As You Live, You'll Have Me

by seleneweavers



Category: Julie and The Phantoms (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Neighbors, Angst with a Happy Ending, Childhood Friends, F/M, Friends to Lovers, Luke Patterson Loves Julie Molina, Pansexual Luke Patterson (Julie and The Phantoms), Protective Luke Patterson (Julie and The Phantoms), Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-18
Updated: 2021-01-16
Packaged: 2021-03-09 19:00:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 17
Words: 32,288
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27611059
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/seleneweavers/pseuds/seleneweavers
Summary: For as long as he can remember, the Molina sibling's has been a part of his life.One of his earliest memory of them is in the morning, the sunlight just pouring in, casting shadow around the three of them......Or Luke and Julie over the years
Relationships: Alex & Julie Molina & Luke Patterson & Reggie, Alex & Luke Patterson & Reggie (Julie and The Phantoms), Alex/Luke Patterson (Julie and The Phantoms), Alex/Willie (Julie and The Phantoms), Flynn & Julie Molina, Julie Molina & Luke Patterson & Reggie, Julie Molina/Luke Patterson, Minor or Background Relationship(s)
Comments: 144
Kudos: 449





	1. chapter one: how it started

**Author's Note:**

> So the first few chapter timeline is messy because I write this impulsively. I hope it's not confusing and you'll enjoy this

For as long as he can remember, the Molina sibling's has been a part of his life. 

One of his earliest memory of them is in the morning, the sunlight just pouring in, casting shadow around the three of them. 

He remembers being awake, blinking against the sunlight and smiling like a fool seeing Julie and Reggie form close to him. 

Julie has thrown a fit when asked to sleep separately from them. Julie, little Julie clinging to his arm tightly, never again want to be left out in Luke's and Reggie's adventure.

He had smile at her antics while Reggie teases her, eventough he too, adamant that Julie being allowed to sleep next to them.  
So they did. Breathing in each other space, limbs being tucked against each other while they fall asleep. 

Growing up close to each other has it perks. He was often found in the Molina's household instead of his own, his mother like to reprimand him sometimes for being a nuisance for the Molina's.

It's not his fault. He gets lonely. Reggie and Julie always ready to follow whatever shenanigans that he have on his sleeve anyway.

Beside, he falls asleep best with Reggie legs tangled with his, Julie's making small circle on his arm before she falls asleep. 

It's one of the best things that he have in life. The Molina's siblings

He knows that Rose likes to sing, hearing her enough times in the quiet moments. She have a beautiful voice, a little airy like a songbird. 

He never realized how talented Rose really is, until that faithful Sunday morning while she ask Reggie and Julie and in turn him, to sing with her on the grand piano that she keeps in the garage. 

"Am i not intruding?" he ask tentavly, because he maybe loud and demanding, but this is Rose. Rose who allow him to be in her children life for so long, no matter how unrully he is. 

Rose just smiles, "I think it's long overdue that you join us."

And that's how it started. Singing together if they have time, with Rose, Julie and Reggie. Dancing around, laughter ringing in the air.

Music become synonym with happiness, of Rose singing beautifully in her grand piano, Reggie laughter's bright and blinding, and Julie, Julie twirling under the sun, eyes sparkling. 

He rarely stay still, but he feels like all the pent up energy that he have is meant for this all along. This music, This rhythm. 

It's magical and it's wonderful and he never want it to stop, no

As much as he loves dancing to the tune of Rose piano's, he started to look for other instruments that fit him best. Piano remind him too much of Rose, of Julie beaming at him under her curls while she try to play a song that Rose has teaches her.

"It's good right?" she ask while she giggles, bursting with happiness. 

"I don't know feel a little flat to me." Reggie's said, cutting him off, never miss a chance to mess with his younger sister. 

He try to hold back his smile, seeing the pout that started to form on Julie's lips. 

"You're just jealous because I play piano better than you." 

"I am not jealous because I am better at it." A pause. "But I know if you keep this up you're probably gonna be better."

He let out a snort, because as much as Reggie like to tease Julie mercilessly, he also knows that Reggie is not as immune to Julie's charm as he pretended to be. 

(He thinks nobody does actually. One look at Julie, and those curls and those eyes and you're gonna be pulled under her charms) 

"I said probably," Reggie continued, elbowing his side, totally hearing his snort of amusement.

"You're great Jules," he pipes in, walking towards the piano, trying to avoid Reggie's sharp elbow. 

Julie's brighten, tucking a loose curl behind her ear. "Thank's Luke."

He grins, because Julie looks happy and her smile is one of the most beautiful thing he's ever seen. 

He try not to be dissapointed when Reggie decided to sit down next to Julie, "Scooth over. I'll show you how to play correctly this time."

Julie's roll her eyes, but still watch closely for Reggie's finger that dancing gracefully on the piano. 

She try to look disgruntled when Reggie let out a smug smile, wiggling his eyebrows eventough he knows Julie try to hold back her own amusement.

"C'mon Jules," he offer his hands. "It's rare that we didn't have Reggie clumsiness when we dance."

Julie laughter are loud and airy, ringing like a bell, demanding everyone full attention. It's one of the best things he ever heard, really. 

She accepts his hand, laughter spilling out between her lips when she hear Reggie mocking them quietly. 

He decided to twirl her around and around just to hear those laughter over and over again. 

At long last he decided for a six string. It's easy to learn, there's many tutorial that he can find that offering him how to play it correctly.

It's also easy to pick up, to bring around. He loves that he can feel the vibration everytime he strums the string, the calluses that started to form in his palms. It makes it feel more real, that he have marks to prove that music is a part of him now.

Not long after he get his first guitar, his real guitar that belong to him and him alone,

(He used to borrow Rose old guitar, rejecting her offer to taught him. It feels like something that he need to do alone. 

Rose nod, mutters something under her breath in spanish before smiling fondly at him, allowing him to play her old guitar everytime his around) 

Reggie started trying to learn how to play bass. It shouldn't suprise him really, but it did. 

"Don't flatter yourself, it always seem interesting to me, okay?"

He just shake his head, trying to bite back his grin. Because he knows it's not entirely true either.

Reggie loves the piano, the soft sound that it utters, the melodic rhythm that builds and builds around it. 

The truth is, before Julie becoming a part of his life, it's always been Reggie and Luke shows first. 

And whatever Reggie do, he follows. And whatever he do, he knows that Reggie will be there too. 

From his research of musical instrument trying to find what suit him best, he learns that in a band, a bass player is a critical part of the band. 

A guitarist can play the song alone, taking all the spotlight all he wants, but without a bassit to support the melody, it will fall flat. 

It's like Reggie, he realizes. He knows he will be fine without Reggie, his determination and passion that burn bright will always be there. 

But Reggie makes it better. He brings important people to Luke's life. Ray, Carlos, Rose. And Julie. 

"Beside," Reggie continues, "I feel like piano is Julie and Mom thing."

He nod, because what else he supposed to respond to that? 

"I think Bass suit you better man," he says and find that he actually means it. 

Reggie smiles at him, "Yeah, okay. Let's try to play it together shall we?"


	2. chapter two: i sleep better with you anyway

He's getting antsy. Not being able to go to the Molina's this couple of days suck. School is not interesting either without Reggie by his side. 

He's contemplating the thought whether sneaking in to the Molina's gonna be worth the trouble. (But he remembers the way Rose firmly told him not to, just for a couple of days until Reggie get better)

He hears the sound of his front door opening, hearing the hushed conversation outside of his bedroom door. He usually never took notice, too busy on his own world to care. But he's bored and it sound serious.

Trying not to alarmed whoever it is outside, he hopes that his bedroom door didn't make this weird squeaky sound that makes him wince everytime he open it.

(He keeps asking his father to change it. That the sound is horrible, that it literally haunt him at night. His father always ready to humor him tough, saying that he didn't hear anything while his mother laugh loudly at that. 

He thinks that's the point. It's one of his parent sneaky way to keep a tab on him)

Whoever that seem to have the conversation didn't hear it. He walks slowly, trying not to intrude. He can see his mom standing there, listening patiently to whoever it is and it's still not clear what are they talking... 

"Luke?"

Busted. He let out a nervous laugh, trying to seem noncahlant. He can feel his mother disapproval stare, the way a frown started to form on her lips. He try not to take notice any of that. 

"Hi Mr Molina." And he waves. Like an idiot. 

Ray let out a soft smile, eyes crinkling in the corner. Bright. Warm. It's Reggie's smile. And it's also Julie's. And he suddenly miss both of his best friends so much. 

(Reggie smile with all his might. Like he can bend everyone to his will with just the force of it. Of being pulled under by the gentle wave of the oceans. 

Julie smile is harder to attained. But it's something so tender, that you can't help being captivated by it. She smiles so brightly, it rival the beam of the moon and the stars)

"Where's Reggie and Julie?" 

"Julie's in the car," said Ray, point out at their car outside. "And Reggie is in the hospital."

He straightens up instantly, "Is he alright?" 

"He'll be fine in a couple of days." Ray sound apologetic. "But in the meantime, can you take care of Julie for me?"

"Julie?"

"Yeah, you still remember Julie right?"

He cracks a grins, "Sure."

"Julie's gonna sleep here tonight," His mom cut in. Oh right. His mom. He smiles sheepishly at her before turning his attention back to Ray. 

"Oh? Is Carlos gonna be here too?"

"Carlos is staying with his tía," Ray answer. "We're gonna ask Julie to stay with with her too but she refuse. Wanting to stay close to home while she waits for us and Reggie to come back."

He nod, know how stubborn Julie can be. Julie Molina is a force to be reckoned with. He still remember six year old Julie who relentlessly try to befriends him and Reggie. Who never give up, always with the same smile, asking to be let in. 

Reggie give in first, because it's his sister. It takes longer for him. 

But he remember going to the Molina's to bother Reggie and seeing Julie singing softly, waiting patiently for Rose to finish cooking breakfast. 

He pauses, still feel like an intruder in the Molina's household without Reggie being by his side. He figures Reggie will be awake by now, already knowing the boy sleeping schedule.

"Luke!" Julie calls excitedly. "Come here! Sit! Reggie still sleeping tough."

Rose looks up, offering a gentle smile, "Hi Luke. Good morning."

"Good morning Mrs Molina."

"It's Rose."

"Right..."

Rose just shakes her head, "Julie's right. Have a seat, I hope you haven't eaten anything yet."

He can feel his skin prickle uncomfortably, "I'll come back later."

"Are you scared?" Julie doesn't sound amused like he expect her to be. Instead she sound curious.

"No?" He answer hesitanly. 

"Then come sit."

"I'd rather not."

"I won't annoy you, I promise."

He stills, never realized that Julie can read him so easily. But he shakes his head, refusing to back down.

"Julie won't take no for an answer you know," Rose cuts in. Her eyes twinkling, "And it will be better for you in the long run if you just agree."

"Mom's right!" Julie pipes in, smiling widely at him, the gap between her tooth become more prominent. "I certainly will make your life more miserable, Lucas Patterson."

"Alright," He said at last. Pulling the chair next to Julie. Julie laughs happily, makes him involuntary crack a grin too. 

He'll admit he has fun too. Listening to Julie humming and singing to random songs while Rose cooks, eating the breakfast that been offered, answering some of Rose questions. 

Not long after that, Reggie, Carlos and Ray joined them. Reggie look smug and all knowing when he saw the soft smile that curl up at his lips, laughing at Julie's antics. 

"I know she can break you eventually."

"Shut up," He mutters, not bothering to deny it. 

And from that day on, Reggie and Luke becomes Reggie, Luke and Julie. 

"It's okay right? If Julie stays here with you?"

He realizes belatedly that Ray is waiting for an answer. He nod worldlessly. 

(Ray still thinks that he tolerates Julie. That the reason after all this years that he hang out with Julie is because of Reggie being there, being the glue that holds them together.

Eventough every time he's in the Molina's the three of them always end up together. Reggie's curling up to him like a vine, his hand tangled in Julie curls, Julie holding tightly to his arm

That one of his favorite things is letting Julie making a circular pattern in his arm because it helps her sleep. It also makes him sleepy too, but he will never admit it out loud)

"Take care of her for me will you?" 

"Ofcourse."

Julie is sulking. He keeps trying to make her entertained by playing some of her favorite movie that he knows she adore but it doesn't seem to work. 

"Jules." He whine loudly, seeing the frown that mared her face. "You know I thought you'll be more excited seeing me after days of not seeing my cute face."

He can see her lips twitched slightly. So he barrels on, "I don't understand how can you last this long without seeing me."

She roll her eyes, "You're annoying you know that?"

"For you? Always."

Julie grins before she become serious once more. "I'm just worried."

"Me too."

"Are you?" she ask pointedly.

"Ofcourse. He's my best friend too."

Julie sighs, before reaching for his hands. He let her. "I know he's gonna be fine. But I never seen him this sick before."

He nod, know how Reggie rarely get sick. "He's gonna be alright Jules. In no time he will comeback, offering lame jokes like before." He gasp dramatically, "Perhaps even worse than before."

Julie let out a snort, before squeezing his hand. "I don't think I can take it if it become worse."

"It probably will."

"Stop. That's a nightmare."

He laughs loudly at that. Before he can continue, his door squeak loudly, automically makes both of them jump apart.

"Julie?" His mom ask uncertainly, standing in front of his bedroom door. "The guest room is ready for you sweetie."

"Oh?" She blinks, looking suprised. He realizes too late that Julie expecting to sleep here. In his bedroom. Next to him, like they always do. 

It makes his cheeks flush, eventough it shouldn't. They've done this before, enough times that he lose count. 

"Okay. Thank you Mrs Patterson."

"You're welcome. Don't stay up too late okay?"

"Yeah, I'll be right outside."

An awkward silence hanging between the two of them. 

Julie clears her throat, "So... I'm gonna go."

"Oh. Oh Yeah. Sure."

Julie looks uncomfortable, walking hesitanly towards his door. She stops, before looking back at him, a small smile grazes her lips. "Goodnight Luke."

He try to stay still, trying not to move too much. "Goodnight Julie."

He can't sleep. Knowing that Julie is close, that knowledge makes his skin crawl.

He sighs before standing up, decided to throw caution to the wind and just sneak in the guest bedroom, praying that his parent sleep soundly that they won't hear his door squeak loudly.

Everything went smoothly, but he stops when he finally stands in front of the guest bedroom. 

What if she's already sleeping? What if he's reading too much into this? Before he can berated himself too much, the door is open.

"Luke?"

"Hey." Not the best response. He knows.

She drags him wordlessly, closing the door fast. "What are you doing here?"

"It's my house?" 

She just stared at him back, not amused. 

He let out a huff, rubbing his neck self-consciously, "I can't sleep."

Julie let out a breath, "Me too."

He try to hold back his smile, tugging at her hands, holding it tightly.

"But your parent..."

"I'll sneak out at the crack of dawn. I promise."

Julie shrugs, "I mean there's nothing wrong with us sleeping to each other close right?"

"Right. We do it all the time too."

"Yeah, sure."

With Reggie, remain unspoken between the two of them.

"So.. "

Without warning, he pulls Julie to the bed before he lose his nerve. Letting his arm draped across her stomach loosely, Julie instantly latches onto it, drawing the same small circle pattern that he knows too well by now. 

He feels sleepy already, "Good night Jules."

"Goodnight Luke."


	3. chapter three: I know i shouldn't

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for reading this, I hope you enjoy it!

He wake up with a handful of hair in his mouth. He splutters trying to lean back, avoiding the wild strands.

He's confused for a second, before realizing. Right. He's with Julie. Sleeping. Alone. Without Reggie. 

Yeah, this is odd.

"Go back to sleep," Julie mutters, patting at his arm that still slung around her waist.

"What?" 

"I can hear you thinking," she continues, voice latched with sleep. "And it's loud."

"I wasn't doing anything."

"No, yeah. You were just freaking out."

He sighs loudly before laying back down. "I wasn't."

"Hmm," she replies unconvincingly. Her fingers started to make the circular motions that he know so well by now. 

He groans, knowing that it's a lost cause, letting his arm tighten around her waist. He can feel her satisfied hum, can picture the smile that tug at her lips. 

Giving in, he let sleep take him once more. 

The next time he's awake, his dad is standing in front of him. His dad. His dad.

He sat up instantly. Accidentally jostle Julie, who thankfully didn't let the disturbance affect her. 

She still sleep soundly, burrowing deeper into the mattress, her breath even out slowly, her curls scattered across the pillow like a spilled ink. 

"I take it you sleep well," His dad ask with mirth, staring at Julie form next to him.

He let out an awkward chuckle, rubbing the back of his neck nervously.

His dad tilted his head, curious. "Is this happen often?" 

"Dad," he reprimands, feeling his face redden. 

"This doesn't look like it's the first time."

He try to think fast, because this feels weird. "I'm hungry, are you not hungry?"

"But I feel like Rose and Ray wouldn't allow this happen too often."

"I'm gonna see what mom cook today," he exclaimed loudly, trying his best to stand up so he didn't wake Julie and also avoiding whatever conversation that his dad trying to make. 

Nope. Not gonna happen. 

"Luke."

He ignore it, didn't care that he will wake up Julie in his haste to get out of there. 

"Luke," his dad sound exasperated. 

Taking his chances, he bolt out fast running towards the door. 

"Good Morning Julie." 

He try his best to focus on the meal in front of him, feeling awkward to see Julie right now. 

"Good Morning Mrs Patterson," she replies, smiling her thanks at the pancake that his mom offered to her.

"I take it you sleep well?"

He started to choke on his orange juice. Julie look at him with a confused look on her face, looking concerned while his mother look amused. 

He waves his hand, asking for Julie to continue. "It's fine."

"Okay?" 

He nodded his head, drinking his orange juice more slowly now. Letting the conversation between his mom and Julie become background noise, eating his pancake in small bites. 

"Hey."

He looks up, seeing Julie watching him carefully. "What's gotten into you? "

He shake his head, "It's nothing."

"It doesn't look like nothing."

He shrugs, because he can't tell her that's what bothering him is being caught by his dad this morning. His mother didn't ask anything (small mercies he thought) eventough he pretty sure she knows too. 

"Julie?" 

They both look up, seeing his mom standing behind the counter. Smiling at them softly, "Do you want to help me make cookies for Reggie?"

Julie look suprised before she let a small smile graze her lips, "Oh. Yeah, of course Mrs Patterson."

His mother nodded, before looking at him. He try his best not to squirm under her gaze, "Your dad ask you to go to the garage. I think he need your help with something."

"Alright."

Because what else he supposed to say after that?

He contemplates not going to the garage, just to spite his dad. But delaying the invetable seem fruitless. It's not like he's doing anything wrong. They've done this for years. His parents know he's been friends with the Molina sibling since he was five. 

When he finally gather the courage to join his dad in the garage, he can see his dad standing in front of a big antique box. 

"Luke! Can you help me moved this?"

Without a word, he come to his dad aid, moving the big antique box outside. It's a relief when they finally put it down, because that thing heavy. 

"It's not the first time," he blurts out. Ripping the band aid and all. 

His father nodded like he expected this, "Yeah. Julie told me."

His eyes widen. "Julie told you? "

"Yeah," His dad answer easily. "I believe that she thought she's gonna get you in trouble."

He bury his face in his hand, begging for the earth to bury him whole too. This is embarrassing.

He can hear his dad chuckle, before continuing, "I said to her that I'm not mad. Just curious. And she started to explain that she sleeps better with you and Reggie around. That you were just trying to help her because she's worried about Reggie."

He bury his face in his hand, begging for the earth to bury him whole too. This is embarrassing.

He can hear his dad chuckle, before continuing, "I said to her that I'm not mad. Just curious. And she started to explain that she sleeps better with you and Reggie around. That you were just trying to help her because she's worried about Reggie."

"I don't like seeing her worried," he admits.

"I figured that as well," his dad replied, smiling gently at him, before a teasing smile formed in his lips, eyes twinkling with mischief. "Do I have to give you the bird and bees talk again?"

"Dad!"

"You still remember it right?"

"It's not like that!" 

His dad just smile, looking at him with that look. 

"It's not, okay!" He continues, crossing his arm in front of his chest. Julie is just... Julie. 

Julie with her ebony curls dancing around filling the space with her laughter, singing loudly at the top of her lungs.

Julie in the morning, sunlight casting shadows around her form. Julie with her hair in a bun, smiling sleepily at him between small bites of her breakfast.

Julie tracing patterns into his arm...

"It's not," he repeated, shaking his head. "It's not like that."

His dad pause. Blinks at him, slow and languid. Gathering his thoughts. "Okay."


	4. chapter four: denial is just a river in egypt

It started small. 

Not acknowledging her when he goes to the Molina's in the morning to pick up Reggie before they go to school (He's avoiding sleeping the night now, no matter what) pretending that he's too busy talking to Rose about guitar now that he can play it better. only giving her a lazy grin, a nod. Not fully ignoring her, but not indulging her either

(It's harder than he thought. Her smile is sunshine, warming him up from within)

The first few times he can get away with. Ray usually already on the way to his work when he arrived at the molina's, Carlos is still too young to understand anything while Reggie tend to be blissfully oblivious towards things that happen around him. He never thought much about it, but now he envy his best friend ability to do so. 

Because he notice Julie furrowed eyebrows, the small frown that graze Julie lip's, the puzzled expression that mared her face. 

It's hard most days. It's harder when he notice Julie's facial expressions. 

Rose notice too. Of course she does. She never ask, just tilted her head, a small smile tugging at her lips when she offer his plate. 

(Adults really like to act all knowingly. Like they know better what's best for him. it started to grate on his nerves)

She sat him down one weekend, asking Reggie and Julie to go first, taking Carlos with them giving excuses that she want to offer some advice to Luke about guitar theory. 

Luke knows it's not true, that any advice Rose offer usually happens when he eat his breakfast at the Molina's, in between bites of his meal. But he keeps his mouth shut.

When he can hear the footsteps start to fade, he waits for Rose to start talking. But she didn't. Just humming softly, like she didn't ask her children to go so she can interogate him. 

(He expect this at some point. He does try to make small talk once in a while to appease Julie. The smile that he received soothe him so much, that it pains him to be a little distant with her once more)

Silence. He can feel his hand start to go clammy, the urge to run start to creep down on him.

(But Luke Patterson don't run. He rushed headfirst into challenge. He chase after opportunities like his life depend on it. 

His passion burn bright, sparks igniting his blood alight)

"Luke," Rose starts carefully. "Is there something you want to tell me? "

He shook his head, his gaze trace the same pattern on the floor, avoiding Rose eyes. 

Rose sighs before she continues, "I just don't want you to make the wrong choice."

"I'm not doing anything," he replied dryly. Finally looking up, staring back at Rose.

(It makes him more determined, to keep his distance. Julie is Julie. Reggie younger sister who get on his nerves, who he tolerates at best. He have years where the only constant in his life is Reggie)

Her lips are pressed into a thin line, stare unwavering. Whatever Rose searching for, she didn't find it. He won't let it. 

Rose sighs once again , pressing her fingers at the bridge of her nose, "I think my children wait for us long enough don't you?"

He started going less and less to the Molina's. Guilt start to gnaw at him after his impromptu conversation with Rose. 

Rose still treat him the same, but there's little things that changed in the air that start to make him uncomfortable to be around the Molina's.

It pains him. Because the only time he feels like himself is when he's being around the Molina's (Carlos with his endless enthusiasm, Ray calming presence, Rose easy acceptance. Julie. Julie. Julie.)

He knows Reggie notice it too. It's hard not to notice the changes. But Reggie never ask, just staying , being the same constant in his life like always.

(It makes him grateful. It eats away at him too. The fact that Reggie never ask, never once lashing out at him. Reggie should. He feels like he deserves it, for ruining everything)

He start pouring himself into his music. Playing the guitar so often his hand start to ache, that he have to take breaks some days just to rest, to preserve his hand.

(In those days he become restless. His parent start to become insufferable, feeling pleased that they didn't have to hear him playing guitar when he supposed to be studying

He strums the string harder, louder the next day just to spite them) 

He meet Alex not long after his 13th birthday. 

He was trying to escape his class, sneaking into the shity music room that his school have when he stumble into Alex.

Alex, that he learn long after didn't have his own drum set at that time, that he's trying to prove himself that it's not a waste of time to get his own after a year learning drums, 

Alex that hate his guts. At first.

Look he knows he's not the best at making friends, the fact that Reggie is still willing to be his friend after all this year is a miracle on itself 

(He's too brash, too reckless. The way he's only focusing on one thing most of the time, and that's music make him a terrible companion for small talks)

So he's not suprised, that he started on a bad foot (He startled poor Alex so much that Alex stumble and almost broke half the thing in the music class with his tall stature

It's not a great conversation opener) 

He tries again, and again to approach Alex, to befriends him, because he sees the way Alex lights up when he plays the drum, like this is where he should be all along.  
(It remind him so much of himself, holding his guitar in his hands and feel like it fills the cavity of his own heart. 

It reminds him of Reggie, looking like everything started to makes sense when he strum lowly on his bass. 

Of Julie, pressing the tuts of the piano like it has mend the broken part of herself)

He tries again, and again (Because he never back down from a challenge, no) until Alex soften, until Alex willing to let him in.

(Is this how Julie feels when he finally agree to sit down that morning?)

He needs to stop. 

He shouldn't think about her anyway) 

Reggie doesn't like Alex.

He doesn't understand it. Reggie likes everyone. But somehow, Reggie doesn't like Alex. 

It's not noticable, but he knows Reggie the most. He know that Reggie loves the certainty of math, that he hates avocado with a burning passion, that he get lost easily. 

So after one of his (failed) attempts to make Alex and Reggie get along that end up making things more awkward, he decide to confront Reggie. 

"Why you don't like Alex?" He doesn't mean to blurt it out so suddenly, but subtlety never been his forte anyway. 

Reggie pauses. He expect Reggie to deny it, to act oblivious. To start ranting about something that Alex do that get on Reggie nerves somehow. 

Reggie takes a deep breath, and he expects the worse already. "Are you replacing Julie with him?

Whatever he expects for the reason, he didn't expect that. He can feel his throat tighten, because it's different lying to his dad or Rose. 

This is Reggie. And they never lie to each other, not once. 

"No." He shook his head begging Reggie to understand, "Never."

(Because no one will be able to that. No one ever will) 

Reggie didn't say anything. If he didn't know any better, it seems like Reggie didn't hear him. 

But he knows Reggie did. Because the next time the three of them hang out, Reggie started telling his terrible jokes to Alex. 

Alex looks confused whether awkwardly laughing at Reggie joke is the right response or roasting Reggie this early in their friendship is allowed. 

He can't help but feel relieved. Hearing the snort of amusement that come out of Alex, He knows that they'll be okay.  
Reggie ask him to come to the Molina's that weekend. 

He remember Reggie smiling wryly at him, "Just like old times huh"

(Like old times feels apporiate. Eventough the truth is, it's been months since the last time he's gone to the Molina's)

He feels awkward knocking at the front door, instead of barging in like he used to. But it doesn't feel right, pretending like things didn't change since the last time he was here.

He waits patiently for someone to open the door and almost fall onto his face when he sees Julie standing right in front of him. 

(He should expect this. It's her house for fuck sake) 

Her hair was pulled up in a messy bun, some of the strands escaping. He try to hold back his smile, seeing her wearing a striped blue pajamas pants that clash horribly with the bright pink of her sweater.

She looks adorable. And beautiful. Definitely beautiful.

He clears his throat, trying to dismiss his thoughts. "Hi Jules."

"Reggie's in his room." And she left. 

It shouldn't hurt. But it did. It takes him a minute to finally drag himself to Reggie's room. 

"I thought you chickened out ," Reggie teases, a comic book perched on his lap. 

"Haha. Very Funny Reg."

"I know!"

He can feel his lips twitch, because Reggie obvliousness will never stop being amusing to him. 

"Okay, so there's this tune that's been bugging me..."

"Ugh," Reggie groans loudly. "Ofcourse you want to discuss music."

But the smile that graze Reggie's lip is fond, and not all annoyed so he knows it's okay. 

He barrels on, "So I want your help to figure the right harmony for this."

Reggie nodded, standing up and getting the bass while he take out his note. 

He didn't know how much time they've been playing together, trying to find the right sound when he can hear someone knocking on Reggie's door. 

"Dinner's ready. Mom say you both can come back to it once you both eat."

"Okay," he answer, trying to offer her a small smile. "Thank's Jules."

She looks less hostile now, more soft. More like Julie from his memory, "Yeah. Let's go now, I'm starving."

He grins because he knows how important eating dinner together at the Molina's mean. That they won't start if one of the member hasn't joined them yet. 

"Luke!" Rose greets warmly. It makes him feel terrible. "I thought you'll never show up."

"I said the same thing!" Reggie exclaims brightly. He can feel his face redden. Goodness. 

Beside the awkwardness that he felt at the start, dinner went fine.

Ray ask him some questions while Reggie added in some of his insight. Rose trying to make Carlos eat his greens while Julie eat silenty (it unnerves him, seeing Julie so silent) 

Once they've done, he said his thank's to Rose for the awesome meal that he just ate, while she smile and ask him to come more often then. 

He just nod, still feeling awkward but promise Rose that he'll try. 

Reggie left first. He knows that it's intentional, that Reggie's trying to help. But he still want to strangle Reggie anyway for putting him on the spot like that.

He should know that Reggie trying to torture him slowly, because once he arrived he can see Reggie and Julie sitting close, the latter is humming softly to the tune that they've been working on since the morning. He can feel his brain short circuited, because it's been months since the last time he hear her voice. 

"Oh."

Julie stands up so suddenly, "Oh, Hi Luke."

"Hi, Julie." 

"I ask Julie to help," Reggie interrupts, still sitting comfortably in the bed. "I figure she can help."

"Oh. Oh yeah. Sure."

"It's okay right?" Julie ask hesitantly. Playing with one of the necklace that hung on her neck absentmindedly.

He can feel his throat tighten so he decided to nod. 

The smile that Julie gives is something so tender and vulnerable that he can't help but gravitate towards it. 

Fuck.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I know the timeline is rather confusing, so I will try to explain it more clearly in the future
> 
> -I adore the Reggie headcanon that he loves math so I used it
> 
> -I don't play any musical instrument so I hope all the explanation about the music works
> 
> I hope you enjoy this so far


	5. chapter five: everything has changed

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> title comes from taylor swift and Ed Sheeran song, everything has changed

He strum his guitar lightly, plucking the strings trying to test the waters. They've been playing around with some new melody for a while now, but still haven't find something that fit.  
(Theres a tune that been looping in his head for weeks now and his hand been itching to immortalize it on paper) 

"Do you know what lyrics you want to put in here?" Julie ask, twirling one of her curls in concentration (That in turn make it harder to concentrate)

He shook his head, "No. I just...I just want to hear how it goes first."

Reggie smiles encouragingly, "And it sound awesome dude."

He grins because he knows it does sound awesome. But getting the confirmation that it's good doesn't hurt either.He play with what they have, already imagine Alex drum tempo to accompany it, Reggie complementing it with his bass.  
(He need to ask Reggie to invite Alex to the Molina's one of these days. He knows they will adore Alex.  
He can picture it. Carlos wouldn't bat an eye, happy to have another person to play with. Ray calming presence will soothe Alex frazzled nerves. Rose smiling warmthly, offering easy affection.  
Julie dry humor that will go well with Alex own's. He desperately want Julie Alex to go along. They have too) 

Julie start singing, filling in the blanks with random words.  
(He doesn't think about Julie joining them, smooth piano tune to soften the sound. Her voice that becomes much stronger with time, angelic, melodious join his own) 

Reggie start to stand up, putting his bass on the side. Offering his hands to Julie who laugh loudly before accepting it. 

He start playing merrier tune, soaking the sound of Julie's laughter that ringing loud in the air. Letting his finger dance on the string, trying to hold back the urge to stand up and spin her around and around like he used to. 

"Reg. Stop, we need to sleep," Julie admonish-still letting Reggie spin her around for one last time, before letting go. 

"You're no fun," Reggie pouts, tugging at one of Julie's wayward curls. 

Julie just roll her eyes, shooting him a look regarding Reggie, and it makes his heart lurched painfully on his chest because this feels familiar, this feels like one of those nights at the Molina's, planning one of their shenanigans, huddled together, and dance around each other like they have all the time in the world. (He's an idiot for leaving all of this for so long. How can he pretend that he's okay without this, without Reggie and Julie by his side like this) 

"Okay," she mutters, shaking her head fondly at the both of them. "I'm gonna head back to my room. Good night boys ."

Julie statement make him pause. "Why not stay here?"

Both Reggie and Julie froze, sharing a look he can't comprehend.

"Dude!" Reggie hit his arm. Hard. 

"What?" 

Reggie just shook his head, staring at him, baffled. Honestly? What's the big deal, it's just Julie. 

"Mom and Dad won't allow it you know." Julie looks conflicted, playing absentmindedly with her fingers. 

He frowned, "Why?"

Julie looks perplexed, smiling wryly at him. "I know you're dense, but c'mon Patterson."

It takes him embarrassingly long time for him to understand. "Oh."

"Yeah... sleeping next to my brother and his best friend is not a good idea anymore you know?" she shrugs, before continuing, "Beside after I get my first period..."

He winces, closing his ears quickly, "Okay. Stop, too much information. Stop, I get it Jules."

He can feel Julie trying to hold back her amusement, while Reggie is full on laughing beside him. The traitor.

"Kidding." She grins, "I haven't had my period. But you know. Soon."

He really want to get out of this conversation. Fast. He knows Julie is a girl, a beautiful one at that, but he's comfortable just associating her as you know-Julie. 

"Yep. Hmmm."

"So you know, not a kid anymore."

He gulps, because he definitely noticed. "Yeah I get it, Jules."

"With different body parts and all."

Can someone just kill him already? "Hmm."

"Stop with the lesson," Reggie cuts in quickly. Did he ever mention that he loves his best friend? Because yes, yes he fucking do. He really could kiss Reggie right now. "Before you give Luke a heart attack. And making me more uncomfortable."

Julie just shrugs, eyes full of mischief, "I don't know. This is fun."

He groans loudly at that. Waving his hand pointedly, trying to avoid looking at her eyes he says, "Go away, Jules."

"I thought you want me to stay." She answer, all doe eye innocent. He didn't buy it one bit.

"Julie."

"I mean I know you didn't see me as a girl, but seriously Lucas?"

"Jules." Offering his puppy dog eyes that he knows has been helping him getting out of sticky situation before. 

A small smile grazes her lips, "Good night, Luke."

He didn't dignify it with a response, still feeling embarrassed from the whole interaction. 

Trying to avoid Reggie, he immediately claim the right side of the bed, covering his whole body with the blanket. 

Reggie, thankfully didn't say anything. But of course he should know better. 

"I can't believe you're older than me."

It feels satisfying hearing Reggie started to choke on his own breath after he kick Reggie leg in retaliation, "Dude! Shut up. And it's just for a few months anyway." 

+++

Things started to go well after that. Or as well as it can be. He come more often to the Molina's, getting his dose of Rose Molina's delicious meal. (He loves his mother cooking too, Emily Patterson baked goods is heavenly. But he's not gonna refuse a free meal from the Molina's either)

It's after school and he's waiting patiently for Reggie to come downstairs, glancing at the clock every few often, thinking that Alex will lose his mind waiting for them. (They were late once and forget to call Alex and tell him. Alex end up blowing their phones thinking that they ditched him)

He really should tell Alex that they were gonna run late because Reggie probably forget where he put his wallet or something. He's in the middle of telling Alex when he hears the front door opening. 

He immediately froze, still feeling like an outsider without Reggie by his side these days (Before, he can go around the house with ease. Taking the food without a care) 

He pretend to trained his eyes on his phone, hearing the telltale sound of Julie laughter, that followed by another sound of girlish laughter. Okay. Wait. He looks up seeing Julie talking enthusiasticly while the two girls beside her listen, chimed in every once in a while. 

Seems to realize that they had company, the girl with the braids in her hair seem to ask Julie something that makes her face flush. Huh. 

"Hi Lucas." 

He raise his eyebrows, "Am I in trouble?"

Julie tilted her head, confused, "No...?"

He cracks a grin, "Because you only call me Lucas when I'm doing something that pissed you off Jules."

Julie instantly looks down, but he can see her face start to redden again (It's not that noticable, but he have seen Julie embarrassed enough times to know. It makes his heart beat a little faster seeing Julie like this because of him.  
It's because of him right?)

"Lucas right?" The other girl with the dirty blonde hair cut in. He nodded. "I thought your older brother name is Reginald, Julie."

"Carrie." The girl with braids hissed, which the other girl-Carrie seem to ignore. 

"The best friend brother." He response, pointing at himself. "Luke."

"I thought you and Reggie already gone." Julie pipes in, seem to has gained her voice back. "Meeting Alexander?"

"Alex. But yeah, just waiting for Reg."

She nodded. An awkward silence hang between them. Fuck. He really should just head upstairs and wait in Reggie's room.  
But he figured it will take longer time if he's laying down in Reggie's bed while the other boy doing god knows what. 

"Julie?" The girl with braids ask pointedly. 

Seem to snap out of her daze, Julie clear her throats. "Oh yeah. Luke, this is Carrie and Flynn. My best friend. Guys, this is Luke. Reggie best friend."

The girl with the braids, Flynn seem to want to say something when he offered his hand, but seem to think better of it. 

"Okay. So we're gonna go. Bye Luke."

And as fast as they come, they're gone pretty quickly too. 

It stings, when Julie introduced him as Reggie best friend, and not hers. But this he figured, this is how it gonna be huh? 

"Hey, I thought I hear girls laughter."

He rolls his eyes, looking at Reggie. What takes him so long he have no idea. "Yeah. Julie and her best friend just arrived."

(And if his voice sound sharp when he said her best friend, well. Only him that ought to know) 

"There's girls here?" 

He really should have not said that. "Reginald."

"Right. Right. But we can stay for a little bit?"

He sighs, "You know Alex will kill us if we're making him wait much longer."

Reggie eyes widen in realization, "Oh yeah. Shit. Shit, Luke we gotta go."

He nodded, quickly following Reggie, trying to keep his mind from Julie. It's better this way anyway.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this more of a filler chapter to be honest
> 
> -according to jatp instagram, Reggie is sagitarius and Luke a Leo so that's why Luke older 
> 
> -i'm terrible at describing physical appearance I'm sorry 
> 
> I hope you enjoy this. Kudos, comment are greatly appreciated thank you!


	6. chapter six: the things that really matters

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the boys are 14 at the start of the chapter and 15 at the end of it

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so, I feel like this is my worst chapter to date. I'm struggling with it a lot, and it makes me want to finish it faster so here it is. 
> 
> I change the rating because of the languange
> 
> I hope you enjoy this
> 
> the next chapter will be better (I hope)

It's harder than he thought. Forming a band. 

The three of them has talked about it for months, trying to figure out the logistic of forming a band together. 

The first thing that they decided is what genre that they gonna tackle together. 

(Reggie have a soft spot for country music and he knows Alex loves jamming to a good musicals

But they all agreed that rock seem to be a safe place to start. Alex can play the drum as hard as he can be, while Reggie can be in control of the whole band

And him? Well, he can chanel the relentless energy that he's been carrying since he was young.)

Their first practice was done in Alex house. In the small spare rooom, where Alex parent has agreed to put his drums in. 

It's a tight space, the drums has filled all the corner that's been left on the room. Alex lanky form didn't help either.

They end up having to open the door so they can breathe properly. It's stifling and it's cramped but it's feels good to finally play with his band. Something that feels like his own. It feels like everything start to fall into place.

It's not perfect. They're still far from good. It's also hard to get in tune with each other. At first. 

(Eventough him and Reggie has played together numerous time before, it's always playing around 

This, this feels real) 

They somehow get through the first practice without killing each other. 

The few practice after that, not so much. 

He's in the middle of an argument with Reggie about how he's going too fast and the strumming pattern is not even correct-

(It's been weeks but they're not getting better. And he found, it's easier to chanel his anger and frustration towards Reggie rather than Alex)

When Alex started hitting his drums. Hard. 

"Okay this is getting nowhere." Alex exclaims loudly. 

He frowned, ready to object to whatever Alex has to say. 

"No," Alex cuts in. Fast. "We're gonna rest and cool our heads. And then we're gonna start over."

"But...."

"Luke."

It's the way Alex says his name that makes him pause. He sighs, resigned. Slipped the strap of his guitar from his shoulder.

The way Alex smiles at him, soft and gentle make him pause again, for entirely different reason this time. 

He clears his throat, trying not to think about it too much.

"I think my mom has stocked some ice cream that we can eat together," Alex continues, standing up. "I think I have hazelnut Reg. Your favorite."

Reggie brighten, "Really?"

Alex nodded, "Yeah. It's all yours buddy."

(He knows that the probability of Alex having a hazelnut ice cream in his fridge is slim. Alex allergic to nuts, and won't touch anything that even have a sliver of nut in it. 

Reggie may not know this. But he knows.) 

"Don't you have anything else?" He stalls, still reluctant to stop. "Won't ice cream damage our vocal chord?"

"Luke!" Reggie groans, looking at him in disbelief. "It's ice cream!"

"And it's not like we're gonna devour all of it," Alex says dryly. 

"Exactly!" 

"I'm lactose intolerant."

"No you're not," Reggie answer quickly. "I know you're not. We've been friends for years. I will know."

He raise one of his eyebrows, "Really? You will notice?"

Reggie frown, "Fuck you. Beside, there's an ice cream calling my name right now.

Alex touch his shoulder. Warmth start to seep in from the place that Alex touch. Fuck, what is wrong with him. "Let's go you big baby."

He grumbles just for show, letting Alex push his shoulder while Reggie laughs happily. 

(He realizes too late that he can't say no to Alex. Never Alex)

+++

It takes Reggie almost falling from one of the wires that they finally agreed. They need new rehearsal space.

(It suprise him that Reggie never fall or stumble before. He knows Reggie can be kind of a klutz) 

Thankfully, he was quick enough to catch Reggie arms before he can break anything.

(It feels so damn familiar to the first time he met Alex that he can't help but seek the drummer.

Alex seem to remember it too, because when he looks up, Alex already looking back. 

He grins, while Alex smiles so softly at him it makes his heart start beating widly on his chest) 

"We really need new rehearsal space," Reggie mutters. 

Alex give Reggie an unimpressed look. 

(It makes him snort loudly seeing it)

He shrugs, "I'm open to any ideas."

Alex roll his eyes, "Okay."

Silence start hanging between the three of them. He's in the middle of retriving his water bottle when Reggie start to jump. "Wow, chill Reg."

Reggie just smiles brightly at both of them, "Fuck, I'm so stupid."

"Yes you are," Him and Alex replied simultaneously.

Reggie just glare at both of them, not dignifying it with a response. "My mom studio!"

His eyes widen in realization. Yes! Rose studio! "Reg, you're a genius!"

Reggie laughs, "I know!"

Why he didn't think about it sooner? They always thought because of Alex and his drums it will be easier to practice in Alex house where they can easily bring his guitar and Reggie's bass. 

But the spare room is tight and stuffy and it's hard to concentrate playing his six string when he's trying not to fall.

"Is that really a good idea?" Alex cuts in, doubt start to creep on his voice. "I mean it's your mom studio."

Reggie nod, "I have to ask her, but I'm sure she won't mind."

"Rose cool," He pipes in. Slowly realizing, in a year they've been friends, Alex never properly meet the Molina's. "All of them are. Except Reggie."

"Hey!"

Alex let out a little sighs, still not convinced.

"Alex," He calls out, softly. Alex looks up. He give him an encouraging smile, "They will love you. I know they will."

Alex smiles burst slowly, like sunshine peeking out from a cloud. It's bright, nearly blinding. 

(He's trying not to focus on the way Alex yellow t-shirt makes his skin look luminous, the way it seem to blend beautifully with his golden locks. He looks like the personification of the sun and it's fucking with his head right now) 

He turn around to Reggie, need to focus on something else right now. "So. We've agreed right?"

"Definitely."

+++

It didn't take long to know. Rose agreed to share the space in her studio. He never loves Rose more than that moment. 

There are a few ground rules that they have to agree. It's not that bad, so it didn't dampen his mood from the fact that they have new studio to reherase in. 

On saturday afternoon, Alex drums has been placed neatly near the back of Rose studio. 

They celebrate it by eating dinner at the Molina's, courtsey of Rose Molina's delicious cooking. 

As he expected, Alex fit in easily with the Molina's. Ray seem to understand that Alex is a bundle of nerves that he seem to be more friendly than usual. Rose greet Alex warmthly, like it's not the first time they've met each other. 

Carlos start asking a bunch of question that thankfully, Alex accept gracefully. And Julie. He can see how fast Alex and Julie seem to connect, already exchanging some pop culture refrences that he didn't understand.

It become a routine, to stay at the Molina's a little longer everyday, soaking the warmth that the Molina's offer. 

They're on a break because Reggie have to pick up Carlos when Alex start to sit in the sofa next to him. 

"I get it now."

He still has a pick on his mouth, so it takes time for him to response. "What?"

"Why you love the Molina's."

His smile grow fond, "Yeah."

"They're amazing." Alex sighs, wistful. "I always wonder how Reggie is so... "

"Oblivious?"

"Naive."

He nods, because that fit Reggie too. "Right."

"I guess having that kind of support, will makes you so optimistic all the time."

He frowned, touching Alex arm's lightly. "Hey. Is everything okay?"

Alex hold in his drumstick tighten. "I know that my parent love me. I know that. But there's something that I just realized lately...  
That i know will make them see me differently."

(He knows the feeling all too well. Knows the disapproval looks that his parent throw at him when he plays his guitar, when he comes to the Molina's because they know what he's gonna do. 

It's not like he's doing anything wrong) 

Seeing Alex so hurt and aching makes his heart clench. It hurts too. 

Impulsively, without thinking about it, he pulls Alex in and kiss him. Just to take that pain away. Just a little while.

(He knows it's not entirely true either. It's been building for months, this moment.)

It's a quick kiss, not enough. No. But his nerves betrayed him, and he's terrified of what Alex response to it. 

Alex blinks at him, suprised. He try to stay still, to just let Alex be because he can feel, he knows that he started to panic when all of the sudden...

Alex kiss him back. Lightly, before deepening it. Again. And again. Until he's dizzy with it. 

"So this is happening huh," he mumbled, giving in. 

(To Alex touch, and Alex scent. And Alex. Just Alex) 

"Shut up."

And he does.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> suprise i guess? I think this plot point is what I'm most conflicted when I write my outline but I feel like it can fit well with whole story. bear with me please
> 
> I take some of Alex characteristic from Owen because i'm terrible at making my own headcanon 
> 
> kudos, comment, feedback, are greatly appreciated!


	7. chapter seven: the naked truth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the boys are 15-ish nearing 16 while Julie is 13-ish nearing 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is my longest update yet. just because I'm not gonna be able to update for a while because I need to focus on uni and all my assignment before the holiday. really hoping I can graduate next year.
> 
> anyway I don't know what this is. i hope you enjoy reading this

Alex didn't want anyone to know they're together. Including Reggie. 

Which he understands. Really. Doesn't mean he's okay with it. 

He's trying to be okay with it. 

(It's a hard thing to do when his first instinct when he saw Alex walking towards him is to kiss him senseless)

But he find that he can see the perks of sneaking around like this. 

All the lingering touches that drive him mad, all the hurried kisses, the excitement that hang in the air between the two of them. 

(He still prefer that everyone knows. But he will take what he can get) 

"I'm gonna take a shower," Reggie states, streching his arm. "Do you guys want anything while i come back?"

He hums, trying to look like he's thinking about the offer. "Water?"

Reggie looks confused. "Okay? Alex?"

"Nothing. I'm good." Alex answer, shaking his own water bottle. 

Reggie nods, "Okay. Don't do anything i wouldn't do."

He try to hold back his snort because he feel like they're way past that. 

Once the door closed, he can feel Alex trying to stay still. The only thing that betray his nerves is the way Alex twirling his drumstick in his hand. 

(They're both has started a bet about who will break first once they're behind closed doors. So far, he's been losing. A lot. 

He's not gonna give in now) 

"Water Patterson? Really?"

He smirks, trying to put all his charm into it. "I mean i can't barely think straight when all i could think about all day is kissing my boyfriend."

He can hear Alex sharp intake of breath. "You're an asshole."

He shrugs, "I know. So what you're gonna do about it?"

Alex start to stand up, slowly. Deliberately. Taking his time. Absentmindedly playing with his hair. 

He groans before he give up. Nope. He can't do this. He yanks Alex hoodie string, pulling him in. 

"I know I can break you first." Alex look smug. He decide to ignore it. 

"Yeah. Yeah you win. Shut up."

(He likes kissing Alex. Like the way Alex uttered his name, his voice getting lower. Like the way he can feel the soft strands of Alex golden locks. The fresh scent of Alex aftershave. How the world fade away for just a little while)

"WHAT THE FUCK."

He broke the kiss fast, seeing Reggie standing rigidly in front of the door. 

Alex looks stricken, pushing his shoulder harshly . Start walking away, fast, not acknowledging Reggie who tried to stop him. 

"What's the matter with you man!" He shouted. Trying to hold himself back or else he's gonna punch Reggie. 

Reggie brows furrowed. "I'm sorry okay. I was surprised!"

"It doesn't look like it!"

"Well how am I supposed to know that you were dating each other all this time?" Reggie replied back. He can hear the trace of hurt in Reggie's voice. 

He soften, "Reg... "

"And I am hurt that both of you didn't trust me enough to tell me that."

He sighs, exhaustion already creeping in. "I know. I'm sorry."

"Yeah? Me too."

He decided to sit down, his mind already racing. Thinking about how hurt Alex look. Every fiber of his being beg him to leave, to chase after Alex. But he knows Alex will need his space. He's gonna give it now. 

"I'm happy that you're happy you know," Reggie interject, voice gentle. "I really do."

(He's not going to lie, there are times where he wonders the possibility of loving Reggie as more than this. 

Stealing kisses, and learning each other in all the things that matters. Reggie, Reggie, Reggie, filling his life completely.

But he knows the love that he have towards Reggie burn as bright. He loves Reggie as his friend, as his brother. Their bond may not be of blood but it's so much more than that) 

"I'm just surprised. Really," repeat Reggie. "You're like my brother. It's just like....seeing Julie kiss someone you know? Ugh."

(The knots in his stomach tighten. No. He's okay with the possibility of Julie dating someone else. Right?)

"Right." 

Silence hang between the both of them. Not long after that, it's Reggie turn to groan loudly, "I have to grovel to Alex am I? "

He pats Reggie shoulder, "Yes. Yes you do."

+++

Thankfully, Alex accepted Reggie apology easily. Acknowledging the fact that he was in the wrong too, for keeping all of it from Reggie. 

And the best thing is know that Reggie knows, he didn't have to hold back when the urge to kiss Alex come to him. 

"Ugh. I hate you guys," Reggie grumbles, but from the way the small smile that graze Reggie's lips, he know the other boy didn't mind. 

They were in the middle of a practice when Julie start to open the garage door and closing it hastily. 

"Reginald!" 

It's a hilarious sight, seeing Julie stomp toward Reggie like she's going to war with her monster slippers, wearing a sweatpants and an oversized hoddie that hide her curls. 

"What do you want Julianna?"

He didn't miss the way Julie squint her eyes, her arms crossed in front of her chest. "I will tell Alex and Luke you know about that one time you try to hit on this waitress and..."

Reggie eyes widens, "You promise never gonna talk about that ever again!"

"I did no such thing!"

"What's the story Jules?" Alex pipes in. His eyes twinkling. Never want to miss a chance to humiliate Reggie. 

Reggie shot Julie a pleading look. Julie rolls her eyes, turning towards Alex, "Maybe next time."

Reggie frowned, start to piece thing together, "Is it your time of the month?" 

(You know what, he didn't care if Julie decided to murder Reggie right now. Reggie brought this on himself) 

Julie turn murderuous. "You know what Alex maybe I have time to tell you the story. So.."

"Jules!"

"Reggie!" 

"Luke?" He interject, trying to break the tension. Both the sibling turn to him, Reggie look baffled while he can see Julie trying her best to hold back her smile. 

(He can't help but smile at that) 

Julie press her fingers at the bridge of her nose, looking like a spitting image of her mother for a second. "Reg, could you please go to the store. Right now."

"Why would I do that?"

"Yeah. Jules couldn't you go to the store yourself?" He can't help but ask. When Julie start turning to him, he knows he fuck up. If looks could kill, he know he will be six feet under right now. 

"Oh you know what Lucas? How about you take turn as a girl who have to bleed once a month because suprise! This is what you get for not getting pregnant! And if you do get pregnant sure you won't bleed again for a while. But you have to carry a human being inside of you and spit it out from your tiny vagina!"

He gulps, because fuck. How do he response to that without sounding like a dick? 

She sigh, turning once again towards Reggie. "So could you please go to the store and buy me tampons. And chocolate. Because I desperately need it Reg."

Reggie splutters, "But I didn't know anything about. You know. That."

"It's tampon Reg. You can say it."

Reggie pouts, defeated."Fine. But if I do go, I don't know what type should I bought for you. Aren't there so many to choose from?"

Julie smile turn dangerous, "Well I do have time to explain it to you tough."

(He don't know what's worse. Hearing the birds and bee's talk or listening to Julie talking about the difference between tampon and pads and how periods works.

Alex is the only one who's interested, asking some questions that Julie happily obliges. 

When both and Reggie shot Alex a questioning look, the other boy shrugs and says easily, "It seem interesting.")

(Days later Alex will tell him "Thank god I wasn't into girls. The whole ordeal sounds exhausting."

While he try to hide his laugh in the crook of Alex neck) 

"So do you get all that?" 

Reggie shook his head, "Not really. But I'm sure I can wing it."

Julie turn horrified, turning to Alex who seem to understand quickly what she's asking. "I'll go with Reggie. Don't worry."

Julie instantly relax, "Have I ever tell you that you're amazing, Alex. Because you do."

He can see the way Alex stammers, the way he seem to redden from the compliment. 

After some more instructions from Julie, Alex and Reggie left. Which left him alone...  
with Julie. 

He don't know when the last time they were together like this. It's been years. 

Julie seem to not notice the fact. Or choose to ignore it because she start to lay down on the sofa, curling up like a cat. 

"Julie."

"Hmm." she hums, without looking up. 

"I'm sorry."

Julie humming abruptly stop. She stiffen. "For what?"

"For being a dick and asking you to go the store. Alone."

"Oh."

(He feel like it's not the correct answer. Not something that she expected to hear. Years later he knows that it's correct, that she expects the apology to be something else. Something that long overdue.

But that's later)

He rubs the back of his neck self-consciously, "Yeah. It was uncalled for."

"You don't know. It's okay. I was being a bitch too."

"Well I get one of Julie Molina lesson out of it. So I think it's okay."

Julie giggles, "Your face was so red the whole time tough."

"It's just seem so scary!"

"I can't believe that Luke Patterson is scared of girls." Teased Julie. "He can sing and play his guitar with his sleeveless shirt in front of a crowd with ease but becoming shy when it's time to talk about girls. Really, that's kinda sad Luke."

"Well girls seem scarier than singing in front of a crowd Jules. You should know."

Julie shook her head, "But in a sleeveless shirt Luke? Really?"

"What's wrong with my shirt?" He scoffs, "There's nothing wrong with it."

"It's just... "She paused. "Too much."

He tilted his head, wanting to press her further when Julie start to grimace.

"Jules, you're okay?" He ask, alarmed. 

Julie groans, "No. My fucking uterus is trying to kill me."

He laughs shakily, already feeling terrible seeing Julie in pain like this. 

The next time he see the way Julie twist in pain, he's more determined already. Sitting down next to Julie, he gently pull Julie's head toward his lap. 

"What are you doing?" Julie ask groggily.

"Helping you." Offering his right arm, he drapes it across Julie's torso, near her hands. "It helps you sleep better right?"

"What am I? Five?" 

"No. Still as annoying tough."

He yelps when Julie pinches his arm. Hard. He immediately try to pull away, but Julie instinctively latching onto his arm. 

"For the record, this never happens."

The smile that graze his lips widen. "Keep telling yourself that."

(The pattern that Julie makes in his arm is familiar. He can feel the way she sighs in contenment, the way she stop twisting and turning every few minutes. The way her breath even out at long last)

Reggie and Alex found him like that. Julie head in his lap, still clutching to his arm while he lay his head in the sofa, fast asleep.

+++

Alex didn't ask and he didn't offer an explanation about what happened in the studio. It's bugging him for a while, that it feels like he's doing something wrong.

So he keeps his distance from Julie yet again. It's easier this time anyway, they rarely talk these days. She's busy with her own life while he's busy with his. 

Until one day, Reggie ask them to come for an emergency.

"What's the emergency?" 

They were in the studio, sitting down on the sofa. Alex arm are around his form, holding him close. 

He can tell that Reggie is nervous, with the way he can't stop pacing, the way Reggie can't seem to stop playing with his hair. "I'm worried about Julie."

He straighten up instantly. He can feel the intensity of Alex gaze, the puzzlement there like he's finally figuring something out. 

He try to relax, trying to look nonchalant. "What happened?"

"I think Carrie left." 

"Carrie?" He frowned trying to remember. Carrie, Carrie, Carrie. Why does that sound familiar? 

"One of Julie's best friend," Reggie mutters. "Or former best friend. Dirty blonde hair, really pretty."

"Oh. Yeah." He remembers now. That one afternoon, when he waits for Reggie. 

"What happened?" It's Alex that repeat his sentiment. 

Reggie shrugs, "I don't know either. The three of them seem to come here often. And then i just see Flynn. And Julie seem withdrawn these days. It's like when...."

Reggie stops, shaking his head. "Anyway. Yeah. I figured you guys can help me cheering her up. I know you guys love Julie too."

He averted his eyes, feeling uncomfortable eventough he knows Reggie meant it differently than what's going on his mind right now. 

Alex is still observing him. He can feel it. "So what do you want to do Reg?"

"I don't know. You're the one who usually full of idea, Luke!"

He hums thoughtfully, pondering upon it. "Baking?"

"You know how well that went last time did you? " Reggie answer dryly.

"What?! You're asking for ideas!"

"You bake now?" Alex interupts, one of his eyebrow raised. 

It's Reggie that answered for him. "We tried once. It's Luke idea. He's trying to soften up Julie after she won't talk to him for several days. It was awful. "

(He remember that clearly. She was seven and he was nine. She was gushing about her crush on this boy, with dimpled smiles. How she feels like, everytime he smiles at her, she would faint. 

Him being him, start to mock Julie and her crush that resulting in the silence treatment 

He rope Reggie into helping him making brownies because it's Julie's favorite. His mom try to help him several times, but he refused. It was a disaster because they can't seem to measure everything correctly and the brownies come out burnt.

It taste as terrible as it looks but Julie ate them happily, beaming at him that all is forgotten as long as he promise that he won't do it again. 

He promise. He will do anything to make Julie start talking to him again) 

"Yeah. It was years ago."

Alex hums noncommittaly, "Okay." 

He squeezes Alex hand, asking for a reassurance. But Alex is oddly quiet, so he let Reggie chatters washes over them. 

(The three of them end up pestering Julie to have a marathon of disney movies with them. She refuses at first thinking that they all have ulterior motives.

She gives in once she realizes they mean it, standing up and asking each one of them to dance with her when one of the musical come out. 

They obliges ofcourse. He let himself indulge in it. Dancing with Julie, twirling her around and around like they have all the time in the world. 

(He likes Julie the most like this you know. In her element. Happy)

He didn't let himself overthink it. Just give in. For once. 

+++

They were in the studio, preparing to leave when Alex caught him off guard. 

"So how long you've been in love with Julie?"

He pales, trying to speak, to tell him that's not right. That he loves Alex, he really do. But hearing the question that been asked so matter of factly by Alex, he don't know that it will make a difference.

Alex chuckles, but it doesn't sound right. It lacks the usual charm. "I hope that I'm wrong but seeing how you react to it...I guess I'm right."

"Alex... "

"I've been waiting for a while for this to just blow up you know. Maybe you're getting tired of hiding. Or maybe i will done something that just jeopardize everything."

He grow quiet, trying to say something. Anything. 

"I don't want to resent you in the long run. Or Julie for that matter. " Alex smile turn sad. "She's like a little sister I never had."

He try to open his mouth, repeating the sentiment. But that's not true is it? Julie is more than that. She's always more than that. 

"Alex..."

Alex take a deep breath before continuing,"I want us to be friends. Because I do love you. And I don't want to lose you."

He can feel the way his throat tighten, the ache in his chest start to throb painfully. "I love you. I really do."

"I know. But that's not enough."

(He once ask Alex, long after all the pain and hurt has passed, if he ever regret loving him. 

Alex grow quiet before asking, "Do you regret it? "

He shook his head. No. Never. 

Alex smile is still the same. Years ago, he will kiss it silly. But that smile, that soft smile that once was his belong to someone else that's more deserving of it. 

And he's happy for Alex. He really do. 

"It's an honor to be loved by Luke Patterson," Alex answer at long last. "It still is. Eventough it's a different kind."

He never ask Alex again after that)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> one of the scene is inspired by lollea comment. (I don't know how to tag you! and I do hope I do your idea justice) 
> 
> as always, I hope you enjoy this mess hahaha


	8. chapter eight: the still after the storm

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the boys are 16 nearing 17 while julie is 14 nearing 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so what happens is that I did something stupid and embarrassing and the only thing that seem to distract me from all of that is writing
> 
> so enjoy this impulsively written chapter while I try to salvage my assignment

It takes time. They didn't magically get better.  
(He wish it was that easy) 

The first few week, band practice feel like it's a practice from hell. All their progress and all the performance they've done seem to evaporated into thin air. 

They have to take a break from seeking new gig until they can go back to before.

(Before it gets complicated, Before he fucks things up)

He's trying and he knows Alex does too. It's just hard to pretend sometimes. 

He's also trying to hold back the urge to write things down and putting it into music. 

(They all know who it meant for anyway)

But thank god they have Reggie. Reggie who's ready to patch things up, to lighten the mood. To alleviate the awkward tension when it become too much. 

He don't know what he's done do deserve someone like Reggie. But he's grateful all the same. 

(What a fucking dissaster. He can't seem to stop ruining his own relationship.

His relationship with his parents are strained since he was 13, the screaming matches seem to be a daily thing these days.

He mess things up with Julie, because he was scared. He still is. The extent of what he's feeling for Julie...  
He can't even comprehend it most days)

(He does know, no matter how many times has passed, how this world is turning and how both of them changed, he knows there will be parts of himself that will love Julie

And that's terrifying) 

(He breaks Alex hearts because he can't seem to make up his minds. God knows he does love Alex. 

But Alex is right too. It's not enough)

He sleep in the Molina's these couple of days, trying to avoid his parents and all the shits they gonna put him through.

(He have enough in his plate already without his parent breathing down his neck) 

He usually sneak into Reggie's room near midnight after hanging around in the studio, waiting for everyone to fall asleep before laying down next to Reggie, who started getting used to him sneaking in and sneaking out of the bed in the morning. He usually will wait around in the studio until it's time to go to school. 

(Rose rarely go to the studio these days. She seem to be exhausted all the time.

It's concerning, but it does make it easier to hide out in the studio and forget the world for a while) 

He's cooking some eggs for his breakfast when he hears a sound. 

Quickly, he try to hide underneath the kitchen counter before he realizes, he's not the same boy from years ago who can easily be hidden in one of the Molina's counter. 

(He remembers how Reggie, Julie and him used to do hide and seek, how easy for him to tuck himself in one of the hidden corner and wait)

He's such a fucking idiot. Of course he's not gonna be able to tuck himself and hide. 

"Luke?"

Double fuck. He knows that voice. 

He smiles sheepishly, "Hi Julie." 

"What are you doing?" She sound amused. At least someone find this funny. 

"Hiding?"

"Underneath the counter?"

He shrugs, "I forgot I've grown."

She snort, walking more closely to him this time. Her hair was pulled back into a messy ponytail, some strands escaping from it. He desperately want to tuck some of it back. 

He realizes too late that she's only using a short pants and a t-shirt. The bright red of her t-shirt seem to blend beautifully with her skin tone. And with him on the floor he can see the panes of smooth tanned skin of her legs. 

This is too early for fuck sake. Julie is trying to put him into an early grave without even realizing it. 

"Is it that comfortable in there?"

He realizes too late that Julie asking him about something.

"I'm sorry?"

She roll her eyes, a small smile start appear on her lips. "Is it that comfortable in there?"

"Maybe."

Julie come closer this time, and he can see the sliver of expose skin of Julie stomach when she decided to lean down on the counter to talk to him more comfortably.

"Luke!" she shout, alarmed. 

"What?" He replied warily. He hopes that she didn't notice all the things he's not thinking. Nope. 

"Your eggs!"

"My... oh fuck." 

He instantly stand up, knocking his head on the counter in the process. He can hear Julie laughter accompany it, but he's too focused trying to save his breakfast. 

He huffed seeing the blackened goo that was his eggs, pouring it into the bins. It's too burnt to be salvageable.

"Sorry." Julie doesn't even sound remotely sorry. "I can make a new one for you tough."

He waved her off, he's trying to avoid all of the Molina's anyway. Including Julie. Especially Julie. "I'm gonna grab a granola bar or something."

Before he can go to far, Julie already standing in front of him. Too close for comfort. 

(Does she knows the effect she have on him?)

"We're okay, right?" She ask hesitantly. 

(Up close like this, he can see the the way the light bring out the different shade of chocolate of her irises.

The way her wayward curl frame her face gently, how he want to trace the delicate expanse of her skin) 

He clears his throat, "Of course, Julie."

She still looks unsure, so bracing himself he tuck one of her wayward curls back, giving into his urges. "We're fine."

She looks suprised, instantly looking down. He try to bite back his grin, feeling pleased seeing her reactions. 

"I'm gonna make your breakfast next time."  
It's not a question, he knows that. But he won't let her catch him next time. Not again.

He nodded, "Sure."

She stare at him intently, "I mean it Lucas."

(Looking at her determined face, all he can think about that this feels painfully familiar. Too familiar) "I know you do, Jules."

+++

He sleeps in his room after that, eating breathing, living in house. 

But all too soon, things started to go haywire again that he went back to the Molina's. The lesser of two evil really. 

(He knows that his parent never ask about his whereabouts to the Molina's because they're trying to maintain their best to maintain whatever good image they have left. 

All the dreams about a good suburban life. The white picket fences, the mediocre job. A good devoted son. 

But he's ruining it by you know. Being him.) 

He lay awake at the crack off dawn, Reggie laying next to him, snoring softly, contemplating whether he can sneak out and take a handfull cereal and go to the studio without Julie noticing. 

He skips breakfast for two days now, eating whatever Reggie offered to him at midnight. 

Julie never seek him out in the studio, or at school eventough he pretty sure she knows where he was. So small mercies. 

(They're gonna try to start practice again next week, and it's getting on his nerves. 

He saw Alex and have small talks with him at school. But it feels... different in the studio. 

It's where they have their first kiss, where their relationship start to grow. It brings a lot of baggage that he didn't even want to acknowledge for a second) 

He sighs, defeated knowing that he can't avoid her any longer. He hopes that he will be lucky tough, that Julie is still asleep.

No such luck.

Because once he try to sneakily open the fridge, he can hear the soft sound of Julie footstep walking towards him. 

"Luke," she greets cooly. "Fancy seeing you here."

"Julie." He smiles, trying to put all his charm into it. "Just you know. Need a change of scenery."

She hums noncommittaly, before walking towards him and start rummaging the fridge. 

He try to give her space but she seem to think that he will avoid her again because her hand already clasping tightly on his wrist. 

He gives her a lazy grin, "Relax, Jules."

"I'm relax," She grumbles before letting go of his wrist. "Pancake? I won't make you any eggs. I don't want to see the the abomination you're gonna do to that poor eggs."

He can't help but laugh. Julie hates his weird food combination with a burning passion. "Pancake is fine. But it will take a lot of time to make pancake."

Julie nodded, agreeing. "Bacon then? I think i can do bacon."

"I'll eat anything you made," He answer easily, and find that he means it.

Julie pauses, before straightens up, closing the fridge door. 

He realizes too late, with Julie standing up to her full height, they're standing close. Much closer than last time. 

This time tough, her hair was cascading down her back, curly hair abound. Wearing a white t-shirt, a contrast to her ebony curls. 

She looks beautiful. She always is. 

"Why don't we just wait for mom to cook us breakfast?"

"I thought you're gonna make me breakfast," He teases, trying to hold back the urge to tuck one of the wild strands because it's literally right there. 

"That was just an excuse for you to stop avoiding me."

He try to deflect, "I already said we're fine."

"It doesn't seem like you're fine though."

This time around, he falters because he didn't know how to response to that.

Julie barrels on, "You know mom and dad won't mind right? That you're staying here. You practically live here when you were little.  
No need to wake up at crack of dawn, sneaking around at midnight. They won't mind. And Alex..."

He flinched without meaning too. 

Julie soften, "Alex seem off. And he didn't come here again this couple of weeks. Don't you think I didn't notice? You're not fine Luke."

He try to answer but the words doesn't seem to come out. Because after... After Alex he feels like he bounds to burn everything he touch. 

And the only good thing, the constant thing he have in his life is music and the Molina's. He didn't want to ruin it too. 

"Luke." Julie's touch on his skin is magnetic, seem to soften the storm that reside in his chest. "I'm here for you. You know that right?"

He crumbles completely, pulling Julie close into his arm. She didn't even resist, letting him bury himself into her small form. 

She didn't ask, just keep humming gently, making him calmer while he hold her tight. 

He let himself be selfish this time. 

+++

Reggie is running late. Apparently Rose and Ray need him to accompany them at the last minute.

It was 30 minutes ago. Now he's here in the studio, alone. With his ex. 

Yeah, this is going great. 

It's not like they don't talk about it. It's just. They never been alone like this. 

He can hear Alex clear his throat, "I want to talk to you about something."

He straightened, trying not to move too much. "Yeah?"

Alex nods, determined. "Yeah."

A pause, before he can hear Alex takes a deep breath. "After we break up, I tell my parents you know. About you. Us."

Whatever he expects to come out of Alex mouth right now, he didn't expect it to be that. 

"What?!"

"I didn't mean to out you. You know," Alex continues, fidgeting nervously. He waves him off. It's the least of his problems, really. 

"What did they say about it?" He ask gently. 

Alex sighs, looking grim. "They said it was just a phase."

He blanches, "Fuck them."

Alex flinch, "I mean. Yeah. Yeah. And that rejection stings. It hurt me more than your rejection-"

This time, it's him the one who's flinch. 

"I was hurting and I need that reassurance. That I was loved." Alex continues rapidly. "But you know. Apparently I'm not worthy of love based on the people that I love, I guess."

"I'm sorry."

Alex shrugged, "I guess that's why I've been taking it out on you. Blaming you for all of it. It's nobody's fault."

He shake his head, "Still, I'm sorry Lex."

Alex smiles shakily, "I am too."

They let the silence hang comfortably between them. It's not perfect, but it will do. 

It seem to loosen some of the knot in his chest, knowing that he's not entirely ruining the relationship he have with Alex. 

Not long after that, they decided to play some tune while they wait for Reggie. 

He looks up when he hear the garage door being opened. 

"Hey dude where you've been..." He trails off, seeing how shaken Reggie seem to be. 

Reggie parlor seem off, he looks pale. Paler than usual. His hand shaking uncontrollably beside his body. 

He froze, shooting a look to Alex who seem to realize at the same time the odd occurrence of seeing the bassist looking like this. 

"Reg?" Alex ask hesitantly. 

Reggie didn't seem to hear them, still standing near the door. Reggie hand can't seem to stop shaking. 

"Reggie?" He ask gently, touching the other boy cheek. It's cold to touch. He feels like he's touching a block of ice right now. "You okay buddy?"

Reggie seem to realize where he was, blink owlishly at him, "Luke?"

He nods, caressing Reggie cheek. "Yeah it's me buddy."

Alex is standing close, grasping Reggie's hand-holding it tightly. 

"Alex?"

"Hey Reg."

"You're here right?"

He shoot a confused look to Alex who seem to be as lost as he is. "Yeah we're here. What's wrong?"

Reggie seem to be miles away when he finally answer his question, "Mom's sick Luke."

He frowned, "Yeah. I know. She complain about her headache all the time right?"

Alex seem to catch on faster than he was, because for a second he can hear the pity in Alex voice, "Luke."

He shake his head, "What? She's sick I know that. I know that."

"She's sick, Luke." It's Reggie the one who snapped at him. "She's sick and she's not getting better and she... "

He's seen Reggie cry before. When Reggie pet turtle die. When Reggie break his leg after he try to climb the tree near their neighborhood. Or when Reggie grandma died in third grade. 

But he never see Reggie cry like this. The way he seem to crumble into himself. 

Without a second thought, he hug Reggie, clinging to him as much as Reggie cling to him. 

He can feel Alex long arms sheltering them both, and for a while they just stand there, trying to soothe each other pain.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> from now on there will be more julie and more angst and I hope you enjoy what I've written
> 
> thank you for all the support! this was started as me playing around and now turn into something that bring enjoyment to myself so thank you 💓


	9. chapter nine: secrets i have held in my heart, are harder to hide than i thought

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the boys are 17, julie 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i hope you enjoy this chapter. i wrote this while i had my free time this weekend. 
> 
> title come from i wanna be yours by arctic monkeys

It's a rough year for the Molina's to say the least. (That's an understatement)

He knows the reason why his parents seem to be less uptight regarding his band activity is because Rose condition affect all of them.

It's not just the Molina's who suffer from it.

He try to steer clear from the Molina's for a few week, discussing with Alex possible new space for band practice that they can use when Rose put a stop on it when he suggested it to her. 

"I offered it to you because I know you and the band need it. "

He try to object, saying that Julie must want the space too (He knows Julie does use the studio because he can smell her perfume sometimes when he come too early, or see some of her notes scattered at the top of the grand piano) 

But Rose seem adamant, that knowing in her absence the space will always be used for music will make her feel better and what he can say to that? 

The next time he goes to the studio, there's Julie sitting on the grand piano. 

It shouldn't suprise him seeing Julie in the studio. But it does. 

He rarely saw her, seeming to miss her everytime they start practicing. The only thing that seem to linger is her scent.

She is singing, belting the lyrics from the top of her lungs. He likes the tune, the way it started soft and builds and builds. 

Julie looks like she belongs here. Hair cascading down her back, her fingers dancing on the piano tuts, the way the sunlight hit her form just right. 

(It remind him of many mornings long ago, where he wakes up with Julie still clinging to his arm) 

He didn't know how long he stand there, humming the same tune, soaking in her presence, her voice when Julie looks up and faltered seeing him leaning on the garage door.

"Luke," She greets, stumbling a little when she try to stand up. She huffs, annoyed. He try to hold back his smile. "I thought you guys not practicing today."

"Yeah. I need to get out from the house for a little while."

Julie nod, her face unreadable. He doesn't think that Reggie told her about his family problems, but he figured the Molina's figured it out anyway. 

"I'll go then," Julie continues, pointing at the door awkwardly. "You can stay."

He shook his head, "No. It's okay. I like hearing you play."

He can see it throws Julie off a little bit. It's not like it's not true anyway. 

It's just, after the whole ordeal in the kitchen, he try to keep his distance again. They never talk about it. And then Rose diagnosis come and... They come back to square one. 

(He hates that his first instinct is to keep Julie away everytime she come too close. 

It's started to get exhausting)

"Thank's." Julie purses her lips, pondering about something. Opening and closing her mouth. She took a deep breath before she settles, "It's been a while."

He wince, "Yeah it is."

He expected Julie to confront him. Asking why we he's acting so damn confusing. 

To be honest he doesn't know either. 

But Julie seem to accept his acknowledgement as a satisfying enough answer because she sat down in front of the piano again. 

He try not to look suprised. Walking towards the sofa, he sit down and taking his six strings.

Julie start playing, playing the same melody, testing it out. She didn't sing the lyrics this time and he try to swallow his disappointment. 

"Do you want to talk about it?" It's Julie, eyes still glued to the piano. 

He knows what she's asking. But he's not sure if he want to talk about it, because the thing with his parents... 

"Maybe next time."

Julie nods, like she's been expecting it. "Okay."

Her voice sound off to him. And he realizes, he always does this to her isn't it? Putting her at arm's length. 

He bites his lips, "I don't even know where to start, Jules."

Julie seem to pause before she continues to play the same melody, "It's okay if you didn't want to talk about it."

"It's not that I don't want to talk about it," He interject, realizing how Julie seem to be dissmisive of his reasoning. Because he really doesn't know, all of his emotions seem to be all over the place. "I'll tell you when I figured it out. I promise."

Julie seem to be more accepting of his reasoning this time. "Okay."

He give her a small smile. Julie give him the same smile back.

He clears his throat, trying to shift the conversation, "I like the song you played."

Julie tuck one of her curls behind her ear nervously, "I was just trying to play the song we just made."

"We?"

"You know..."

He realizes a little too late what Julie meant. Rose. He clears his throat, "It sounds great Jules."

She shrugs, "Mom is a talented musician."

"So are you," He said without missing a beat.

Julie seem to soften from his compliment. "I want to say the same but I don't want to make you have a bigger head than you already are."

He chuckles, "That's a shame."

Julie shook her head, "All the fangirls not good enough for you huh?"

He frowned, trying to act like he didn't know what she's talking about, "What fangirls?"

Julie just roll her eyes, "All the fangirls that seem to flock after you because your shirt is distracting."

(Look, he knows he's attractive. He knows that some of Sunset Curve fan base come from the girls that find him attractive. 

He doesn't mind really, as long as they come to their gig, it's good enough for him.

But hearing Julie saying-impliying that he's attractive is a different matter entirely)

Seeming to realize what she's admitting, Julie turn flustered before looking back at him. Determined. 

He stands up, walking closer to her who still rooted on the piano. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"You know what it means," Julie muttered quietly.

Another step, "Am I? "

"Lucas." A warning. It shouldn't excite him, but it did. It totally did. 

"Julianna." Her name seem to roll easily from his tongue. 

A pause. 

(He could try you know. Just reach out and give in. He feels like he's been waiting long enough)

(But the thought of Julie rejecting him, of ruining what he have left with Julie... 

It's scarier than anything else) 

"I think I should go." It's Julie, the one who break the tension, who says it. Not him. 

He steps back, trying to give her space. "Oh. Yeah, ofcourse."

Julie try to give him a smile, but it doesn't reach her eyes, "Bye Luke."

He nods like it was given. "Bye Julie."

And he end up alone. Once again. 

+++

He was waiting for Alex and Reggie to join him at the cafeteria when a very flustered Alex sit down next to him. 

"I'm not late am I? I'm sorry I got held up. I know it won't happen again. Have you ordered yet? Should I order something new?"

He opened his mouth to interrupt Alex because he never seen Alex like this before when suddenly he hear a voice, 

"Hey. Alex right? Alex Mercer?"

He looks up seeing a really handsome man standing next to them. His hair falls near his shoulder. His eyes a warm shade of brown. 

He can see Alex gulp audibly. Interesting. 

"Yeah. Willie right." The admission from Alex make the other boy smiles wider. "I'm sorry I didn't get your last name."

The boy-Willie waved Alex off, "No worries. You forgot this."

Willie start to rummage his backpack, not long after emerging with Alex drumstick is his hand. He raises his eyebrows. Okay. Yeah, there is something going on. 

He can see Alex flushes, the way he can't seem to stop moving his feet, "Oh. Thank you Willie."

"I figured that's important to you," Willie continues. A teasing smile start to bloom on Willie's lips, "Am I wrong?"

"Yeah. It is. No I mean. No? I mean yes it is important to me. Thanks." Alex turn even redder than before. He try to hold back his grin, watching the scene unfold. 

Alex stutters seem to endear Willie more. The other boy laugh charmingly, before nodded. "See you soon, hotdog."

Alex just laugh awkwardly, before waves Willie off who seem to want to linger but at the last minute left them alone again. 

"You know I was here the whole time right?" He pipes in, seeing the way Alex try to avoid his eyes. "Also hotdog?"

"Shut up," Alex hisses, pointing his fingers at him. "Not a word."

"Hotdog? Really Lex? "

"I don't know where he got the idea," Alex muttered. "We literally just met. "

"It doesn't seem like it," He teases. "Seem pretty cozy to me."

Alex sighs, before fully turning to him. "We just met Luke. He hit me with his skateboard. He ask to buy me a drink because of it. We talk. End of a story. I probably forget my drumstick while we talks. It's not that deep."

Seeing Alex downplay his interactions with Willie makes his heart clench a little bit. 

"Fine," He mumbles, giving in. "But i'm pretty sure Willie at least is attracted to you."

Alex rolls his eyes, "No he's not."

+++

He's right ofcourse. He rarely does but he's pretty sure he's right. So he'll take what he can get. 

"You need to ask out Willie. He's clearly into you," He starts, waggling his fingers at Alex. It's been a month -Alex and Willie seem to get along fine and dancing around the fact that they both clearly into each other. 

Alex scoofs, "This come from the guy who's been in love with the same girl since he was ten and never have the guts to say anything?"

(Since he was nine actually. But he's not gonna give Alex the satisfaction of being right) 

(But Alex is right. He never says he was brave if it regarding a certain girl name Julie Molina)

"You're clearly afraid," He points out. Seeing the way Alex tenses, he knows he's right. "Which is ridiculous. Anyone who's not into you is an idiot."

"Is that including you?" Realizing what he just uttered, Alex quickly freeze shutting his mouth. 

He chuckles because Alex statement doesn't even faze him. He deserves it. And if they're trying this friend thing, they really should make fun of the situation every once in a while anyway. 

"I never say I was smart," he answer cheekily.

Alex still look uneasy, but with a determined frown he says, "So I've gathered."

He laughs loudly at that. "Look. I've seen the way Willie look at you. He's so far gone for you I don't think anything you'll do will scare him away. You deserve to be happy."

Alex seem to soften before holding his hand briefly, "So are you."

He faltered, letting a lazy grin form on his lips. Trying to hide his suprise, "So what's the plan for asking Willie out?"

Alex groans, "We're not gonna talk about this."

"We can ask Reggie for some of his pick up line! I bet he have plenty!" He exclaimed. Patting the drummer on the back excitedly. "Where is he anyway?"

Alex wrinkles his nose in disdain, "Oh fuck no. Don't you fucking dare, Patterson."

+++

He was trying to figure out the next stanza for his new song when he notice the figure that's walking down the road. The sky is still dark, people are still asleep. 

It doesn't even take him that long to know that it's Julie.

He scrambles fast, opening his curtain just a little wider-but he's too late. She's already gone. 

The next morning, he's already prepared-turning several alarm on his phone. But he overslept, waking up to the scent of his mother breakfast. 

He groans, knowing that he lost his chance. But maybe it's just a one time thing? 

It's not tough. He finds out soon enough. 

Because he's more prepared this time. Going to bed early so he can wake up at the right time, catching a glimpse of Julie. 

It feels weird. Observing Julie like this. This something that personal for her, it seem like. He doesn't think even the Molina's know that Julie come out of the house at the crack of dawn, walking around the neighbourhood doing god know's what. 

But he can't seem to stop. Seeing her walking around the neighbourhood at suspicious hour has pique his interest okay? He's intrigued.

(Eventough he knows everything she does gonna demand his attention anyway)

"Hi."

He winces, hearing the loud squeak that jump out of Julie lips. Yeah, it's his fault for coming out of his house so suddenly.

He was contemplating the pros and cons of joining her, and decided to throw caution to the wind and just come out of his house before he lost the courage. 

"Sorry." He rubs the back of his neck self-consciously. "I didn't mean to suprise you."

(After the studio, they never have an alone time together. He try not to be dissapointed by the fact) 

"What are you doing here?"

It's not hostile, like he expected it to be. Instead she sound curious. 

Her hair was pulled up into a messy ponytail. An oversized yellow sweater with a blue pants to match. 

He can't help but smile. She looks like she just woke up. It's adorable. "I can't sleep."

Julie nodded. Silence hanging between the two of them. It makes his skin crawl, thinking that he already ruined whatever this is. 

"Do you want to come?" She ask slowly. He can see her hesitate, with the way she mindlessly playing with her hands. 

"Sure."

Putting his hand on the pocket of his jacket feels reasonable. It keep him back from doing something dumb. Like holding her hands.

They walk in silence. The sun hasn't even come out yet.

"Do you remember the first time i moved here?" He started, trying to break the silence. 

"I was three, Luke," Julie answer dryly. 

"Right."

He tries again. "Do you remember the first time we sleep together?" 

Julie raises an eyebrow. He winces, realizing his wording.

"Fuck, you know what i meant Jules."

"I do know what you meant," Julie answer, eyes with mirth. "But it's funny seeing you squirm."

He grumbles, "We're not gonna talk about this."

Julie laughs, "Keep telling yourself that."

The callback from the conversation months ago makes him feel light. 

Without thinking about it, he let himself give in, taking Julie hand in his. Intertwining their fingers together. 

(He feels like every one of his senses seem to come alive just to memorize all the things that pull him under, 

Like the warmth of Julie's hand. The way her laughter are the loudest thing in the world.

The intensity seem to stole the air out of his lungs) 

He can feel Julie tenses, before she relax. Letting their clasped hand fall neatly between them. 

They didn't talk about it. 

"I do remember the first time i want to be your friend," Julie mused, lips tugging upward. 

He looks at her, contemplative. "You do?"

Julie nods, her smile widens. "Yup."

She didn't seem to want to divulge the information unless he asked. So he did, "How did it happens?"

Julie hums thoughtfully, pondering upon it. It driving him crazy, seeing her take her time. "Simple really. You let Reggie take the last cookie eventough i know you want to eat it as much."

He gaped at her, "That's it?"

Julie started to giggles,"I was five Luke. What did you expect?"

He shook his head, "I honestly don't know."

"To be fair," Julie continues. "In five year old Julie's mind that is the most amazing thing. Then that probably means you will let me eat as many cookies as I want to. You won't fight me for it."

He put his other hand on his chest, "And all this time I thought you befriends me because of my charming personality."

Julie shrugs, a small smile still present on her lips. "I really loves cookies. I still do."

He squeezes her hands, "You will eat any baked goods you lay your eyes on, Jules."

She laughs, open and bright. It looks good on her. Happiness looks good on her. 

(There are still a lot that left unsaid. Every little things that lay quiet between the moments. 

The way Julie never ask about the way he keeps his distance, all the complications with his parents. 

Rose ilness. Why she walks around the neighbourhood at the crack of dawn. 

But seeing her like this. It's enough. He have time. They have time) 

He can see that the sun start to come out, the sky started to lighten into a pinkish hue. 

"Julie."

"Yeah?" She answer, closing her eyes. letting the light breeze playing with her hair.

(He allowed himself to stare at her, drinking her in. Her sun kissed skin, the smooth expanse of her neck, the slope of her nose, her soft eyebrows. 

Her lips)

"I can join you next time right?"

Julie open her eyes, and the smile she gave him is so blinding he can't barely breathe.

"Ofcourse."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i've been itching to write alex last name after we got it. and i want to write alex luke being supportive exes. this whole thing diverts so much from my actual outline tough
> 
> so, let me now what you're think because tbh i am getting nervous about the second half part of the story


	10. chapter ten: we say we're friends we play pretend

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Julie is fifteen, the boys are seventeen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is long overdue. enjoy. an early christmas present or some sorts before we go angsty again. title come from perfect harmony, of course.

“Why can Reggie stay but I don’t?!”

He turn around, searching the voice. Finally seeing the people he’s been looking for. The hospital is crowded today, it takes time for him to find the right place, Reggie intensive text doesn't help him at all. 

“Mija.” He can hear Ray exasperated sigh, Can see Reggie standing near, hand in his pockets, feet can't seem to stop moving. 

"Jules." It's Reggie this time, grasping Julie elbows, begging her to see the pleading expression that mared Reggie's face. 

He can see Julie pushing Reggie hand away. Fuck, this is bad. 

"You need to stay with Carlos," Ray started again, more gently this time. 

"Tia can take care of him."

"Julianna!"

"Dad!"

Deciding that it's time to make his presence known before things blown out of proportions he step forward, "Mr. Molina?"

He can see Ray shoulder sags with relief, Reggie giving him a bright smile. He's giving Reggie one back. 

He try not to see Julie, knowing that she's probably fuming. 

"Luke. Thank you for coming on short notice."

He nodded, "It's not a problem Mr. Molina."

"What he's doing here?" He try not to flinch from Julie accusing tone. 

Ray sighs, "Luke's gonna take you home."

"Papi, please." It makes his heart ache, seeing the tears that started to form on Julie's eyes. It takes everything out of him not to just pull her in right now. 

(But he can't. It's not the right time. It's not the right place) 

"Mija."

It's the stern tone that Ray uses that seem to means that he's not gonna budge. 

He can see how Julie seem to realized it too, that she's not gonna win this argument. 

"Fine. But dad, please. If you hear anything, any news about Mom you have to tell me. Okay?"

Ray nodded, pulling Julie into a hug. He can see that Julie is still mad, when she refuses to do the secret handshake she used with Ray. 

When she hugs Reggie next, he can see Reggie whispering something that seem to calm Julie down, her hand seem to tighten on Reggie's red flannel. 

Julie smile is soft when she pulls away from Reggie. Letting Reggie kiss her forehead before tugging at one of her curls playfully. 

"Thank's for coming dude," Reggie says looking up at him, nodding his head. 

"Keep my niña safe will you?" Ray interjects, giving him a small smile. 

"Will do."

(Without prompting he knows he will try. Like the ocean meets the sky, he knows that the urge to keep Julie safe is already ingrained on him. 

It's a constant thing that will never stop) 

Julie is silence on the way back. Even when he turn on the radio loud, choosing the station that he knows she adore but he hates. And still, she keep her mouth shut. 

It's scary seeing her so still. 

He longs for the carefree Julie, Julie who laughs at his stupid joke, who likes to dance and sing at the top of her lungs, who has the biggest sweet tooth he's ever known from a person. 

He miss his Julie from their morning walks. Julie that always look adorable in her pajamas, Julie who let the light breeze playing with her curls, The way the sunlight makes her form look ethereal. 

His Julie who never ask questions when he holds her hand in the morning, who hold his hand as tightly. Who let him spin her, laughter ringing loud in the air. Julie who sings softly, just for him. Soft face, soft sound. 

His Julie uttering his name with her sleepy voice like sweet honeydew, sending shivers down his spine. Who's smile are a private thing that seem to set his blood alight. 

(He try not to read into it too much) 

(Still, he hopes) 

"Thank's Luke," Julie mumbled, opening the car door, without hearing his answer. 

He try not to take it personally. Thinking fast, he follow her. 

"Julie."

Ignoring him, Julie walks faster. 

"Jules." He tries again. 

"What?!" She snaps, turning around. 

"Are you okay?"

Julie laugh sound hollow, "Do I look like I'm okay, Luke?"

He winces. Right. Wrong start. "I know. I know, sorry."

Julie still looks annoyed, but at least she's not running again. Taking his chances, he walks closer, "They just want the best for you, you know."

Julie eyes narrowed, "By asking me to leave?"

"Because you will be worried sick!" He retorts matter of factly. "And what they don't need is another person to worry about, Jules."

"Is this your briliant tactics to calm me down Lucas? Because it's not working."

He sighs, trying not to look sullen. This is getting nowhere. 

Without a word, he pulls Julie into a hug, holding her tight. 

He doesn't remember the last time he hugs Julie, but fuck he miss this. Why did he stop? 

(He can smell her vanilla perfume, the coconut shampoo that she uses. Her scent is all around him and it's intoxicating. 

He want to drown on it forever) 

"What are you doing?" Julie voice sound hoarse, hesitant. 

"Holding you," He answer shakily. 

"Why?"Julie voice sound small this time. 

"Because it calms people down," He whispers, knowing in this proximity that Julie will hear him all the same. She become quiet, her hands digging on his shoulder blade like it's the only thing that keeping her from falling apart. It probably is. "Is this working?"

"No," Julie denies. But he can feel how she burrows deeper into his chest, hands tightening on his shoulder. 

And for a while, they stand there. Holding each other close. 

Too soon, he can feel Julie start pulling away. He lets her, even though all he want is too keep her close, so close until he doesn't know where he starts and where she ended. 

"I should probably go."

"Yeah."

"So..."

"So..."

Silence. 

He doesn't know where his sudden bravery come from, but he doesn't want the night to end. Not yet. 

Taking off his jacket, he drapes it on Julie shoulder. It's too big for her, her small form seem to drown on it. It makes his thoughts coming into a screeching halt, seeing her. 

Fuck, this is a bad idea. Because he doesn't know anything will ever compare to the sight of Julie in his jackets. 

"What is this?"Julie ask, softly. Her fingers tenderly holding onto the fabric of his jackets. 

He clears his throat, "I know you probably can't sleep soundly tonight, and I know you probably sleep better with me... "

"Says who?"

Ignoring her statement, he continues, "My jacket. So it feels like I'm there. With you" He shrugs, nonchalant, "I can take it back if you want."

"No!" Julie answer, fast. Too fast. Realizing her error, she grimaces. He can feel the way his smiles widening, the way his face light up. He doesn't care if he's being too obvious. "Thank you, Luke."

He nods, "You're welcome, Jules."

She gives him a tentative smile, "Goodnight Luke."

"Goodnight Julie."

(He doesn't think about the fact that Julie probably sleep with his jacket that night) 

(That's a lie) 

+++

"This is pathetic," Alex starts, amused. 

He glares at the blonde boy next to him, lunch forgotten. "You're pathetic."

Alex rolls his eyes, thankfully didn't take his words to heart. "Stop moping then."

He stabs his fork forcefully, "I don't mope!"

"Yes you are." Alex shook his head. "Ask her out already."

"Ask who out?"

He instantly sat up straight, turning to Reggie who stare at them both, curious. 

"No one," He respond, eating his fries quickly, trying to avoid saying anything more. "But Alex should ask Willie out already, right Reg?"

He try not to yelp, when Alex kick his foot under the table. Fuck, that hurts. 

Reggie, totally oblivious with the intense staring match he have with Alex, nod his in agreement. "For sure. Willie smoking hot dude."

"Keep your voice down will you?" Alex muttered, turning his head around like Willie gonna appear out of nowhere. The sight makes him snort. "And don't say smoking. That's weird."

"But it's true! He's smoking..."

"Please stop," Alex cuts in, looking pained. "Just stop."

"Or I will ask him out," He pipes in, winking at Alex teasingly. 

"Or I will," Reggie interjects. "I don't mind. I like Willie's hair. It's glorious."

"Raven haired beauty," He adds, smiling conspiratorially at Reggie. 

Reggie nods, "For sure."

"But Reg." He gasp for dramatic effect. "I think Willie would prefer Alex sculpted.. "

Alex looks terrified, "No.Don't finish that sentence"

Reggie cackles loudly beside him. 

"Jaw," He answer innocently. "Man get your mind out of the gutter."

Alex grumbled, "I hate you both. So much."

He and Reggie start to laugh harder at that. For a while they keep teasing Alex about Willie which makes the boy flush before Reggie turn to him. 

"Oh before I forget. Can you keep Julie company tonight?"

He try to ignore Alex knowing look, "Why? Is your mom okay?"

Reggie looks uneasy, "Yeah. She's fine. She just need to rest. But the doctor still won't allow us to see her. Only my dad. And I need to drive him tonight."

"And you need Julie to be in her best behavior."

Reggie groans, "Why you put it like that?"

He put a comforting hand on Reggie shoulder. He can see Alex already stroked Reggie back slowly. "Hey. It's okay. It's okay. I'll be there."

Reggie nods again, "Good. Thank's man."

He muster up a smile, "You're welcome."

+++

Reggie says that he already told Julie that he's gonna come over tonight.

He doesn't know what Reggie told her, why she seem to agree for him to come over. He doesn't think he wanna know. 

When he come to the Molina's, Reggie already give him the permission to barge in so he did. 

"Hey buddy." He greeted Carlos, who sits down in front of the living room watching TV religiously. "Where's your Tia? I thought she's gonna be here."

"Oh hey Luke. She's running late, I think she's still in her pilates class."

He nods, choosing to sit next to Carlos, biding his time before he go upstairs to Julie's room. 

"What are you doing here?" He turn around, seeing the questioning look that mared Carlos face. "Reggie's not here. He's in the hospital."

"I know."

"So?"

He take a deep breath, "I'm here for Julie."

Carlos smirk, "Ohhh."

He groans, "It's not like that."

"Not like what?" Carlos replied innocently.

He shook his head, "Isn't this pass your bedtime?"

"It's seven PM Luke."

He ruffles the boy's head while he stand up, "You should go to bed."

"Have fun with Julie!" Carlos retort cheekily. 

If Carlos is older he definitely gonna give him the bird. But he's not so he decided to walk away instead. 

Going upstairs, he can already hear Julie singing loudly, melodious. Beautiful. 

He let himself listen before he decided to finally knock her doors before it become too creepy. 

"Come in!"

The sight that greeted him is not something that he expected. Julie standing in the middle of the room, hair cascading down her back in gentle waves. 

Wearing his jacket. 

And everything seem to stop. 

"Uhm... " He doesn't think that he can talk anymore. 

"Luke!" Julie squeak, surprised. "What are you doing here?"

"Uhmm..." Fuck. Words. What are words. "Reggie.. "

"Reggie what?" He can see the faint blush that started to appear on her cheeks. It makes his heart start to stutter wildly on his chest. 

"Reggie didn't tell you?" He ask dumbly. Fuck. Fuck. "Reggie says that I'm gonna come here. Tonight."

Julie shook her head, "No. He didn't tell me anything."

He's gonna kill Reggie the next time he see him. "Oh. Okay. I'm gonna go then."

"You're already here," Julie cuts in, fast. He can see how she try not to fidget. It's endearing. "Might as well."

He try to hide his smile, "Okay."

"Okay."

It's hard to concentrate on anything else but Julie. But he manage. Barely. 

(He never think that he can choose his favorite version of Julie, but he thinks he likes her best like this

Her curls that fall down her back, face devoid of make up, open and vulnerable. 

His jacket hugging her form, like it belong there. He can get used to this. 

It hurts, because he want this. He really want this Julie, and all the version of Julie that he will find after) 

He stands up, offering his hand. Because if the suffocating silence is any indication, he knows that he will do something he'll regret. 

Dance. It's seem safe. They've done this thousand times before. 

"There's no music, Luke." Julie says, softly. But still following his lead anyway, putting her hand on his shoulder as they sway lightly together. 

"We're gonna dance to our own tune." He try to say cherfully, but what come out is his voice sounding lower than usual. 

If Julie realizes it, she didn't comment on it. Instead, she start humming thoughtfully before singing the opening of a song that he know too well. 

/What time you coming out?  
We starting losing light  
I'll never make it right  
If you don't want me around/

He stiffens, because he didn't expect Julie to know this, let alone memorize the melody and the lyrics enough to sing it. 

(He try not to think about the implications of the lyrics, the vulnerability of it) 

/I'm so excited for the night,  
All we need's my bike and  
your enormous house  
You said someday we might  
When I'm closer to your height/

Julie continue to sing it, slowly. It doesn't fit her voice range, doesn't showcase her real voice. 

But he listen, grow quiet because it's her. And everything she does will demand his full attention. 

He savor it, the way she sang each syllable like the song was made for hers and hers alone. 

/'Til then we'll knock around and see  
If you're all I need/

He let out a breath, trying to calm his beating heart. He can feel the way she grips his shoulder tighter, like she's afraid he's gonna go away. 

(No. Not this time. He doesn't think he can) 

/Don't you see me?  
I, I think I'm falling, I'm falling for you.  
Don't you need me?  
I, I think I'm falling, I'm falling for you./

He starts to lean in, letting their forehead touch. He let himself be selfish, breathing her in. 

His breath start to mingle with Julie's own. His exhale is her inhale. One.. Two... 

/And on this night and in this light,  
I think I'm falling, I'm falling for you/

He can feel the way Julie hesitantly caress his cheek. Her touch is intoxicating, it makes him dizzy with the force of it. 

Every little touch start to leave a trail of fire in it's wake. 

/Maybe you'll change your mind  
I think I'm falling, I think I'm falling./

The gravity has shifted, and all the colors has merge into one. Everything has turned into a background noise, and nothing seem to matter anymore. 

/I'm caught on your coat again.  
You said, "Oh, no, it's fine."  
I read between the lines  
And touched your leg again, again/

Twirling her once, twice, three times because this feels like nothing and everything all at once. 

/I'll take it one day at a time.  
Soon you will be mine.  
Oh, but I want you now, I want you now/

Pulling Julie close, he hold her tighter. In this position he can feel the vibration of her voice as she sings the next line, 

/When the smoke is in your eyes,  
You look so alive.  
Do you fancy sitting down with me?  
Maybe?/

He can remember it clearly, the first time julie demand him to sit next down to her, and all the times after. Over and over again. Determined to prove him wrong. 

/Cause you're all I need/

She sing the lyrics clearer, sharper this time. Like she's not afraid of what she's admitting. 

It make his heart ache. 

/According to your heart,  
My place is not deliberate,  
Feeling of your arms/

This time she sings it softly, hesitanly, like a whisper. But he's close enough, close enough that he can hear it perfectly. 

/I don't wanna be your friend,  
I wanna kiss your neck/

He lay his head on top of hers, while she bury her face on his chest, saying the lyrics. 

/Don't you see me?  
I, I think I'm falling, I'm falling for you.  
Don't you need me?  
I, I think I'm falling, I'm falling for you../

This time around they're just swaying lightly. Too afraid to see each other. 

Because the song is nearing the end and he knows, both of them is still not sure how to process all of this just yet. 

/On this night, in this light  
I think I'm falling, I'm falling for you./

He hold her tighter. He doesn't want to let go. Not yet. 

/And maybe you, change your mind./

Julie looks up at him, blinking languildy at him. Looking so fragile, and so perfect he can't help but wonder if she's real. 

Tucking one of her wild strands, he try to calm his beating heart. 

Someone clears their throat. Him and Julie both jumped like they've been burned. 

"Luke." Ray says sternly, leaning on Julie's bedroom door. He thought it might be Reggie. This, is worse. "It's late."

He nods, avoiding Ray's eyes. "Yes sir."

"I'll walk you."

He nods again. Too mortified to see Julie. What the fuck just happened. 

Uncomfortable silence hanging between the both of them while they walk downstairs. The living room is quiet, it seem like Carlos has gone to bed too. 

"Luke." Ray says, breaking the silence. 

"Yes, Mr. Molina?" He answer, hoping his voice sound steady. 

Ray seem to contemplate his words before he settles, "Don't hurt her. Okay?"

He pauses, thinking that there will be something more. But Ray seem to be willing to tell him just that tonight.

He takes a deep breath before he answer, "I'll try not to."

Ray nods, like it's enough. "Good."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if you're gonna expect a kiss...no I'm sorry lmao. it will be few chapter down the road. when I write slow burn in the tags, I mean it. next chapter will be rough. 
> 
> The song used is falling for you by the 1975


	11. chapter eleven: to be human

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this is not something that you might expect after the last chapter but I hope you enjoy this small offering from me because I feel like this is important for the story too
> 
> all the chapter after this will be focused entirely on the romance though don't worry

He try not to fidget. It's hard not to though. 

Leaning on the wall, he checks his phone once again. 

"Luke."

Reggie looks terrible, his clothes look rumpled, like it's seen better days. 

He knows Rose cancer started to take a toll on the boy. Because she's not getting better. And they're counting days now. 

(He hates that he thinks it like that. Like Rose doesn't matter) 

"Hey, you're done?" He ask gently, reaching for the other boy shoulder. "We can go get ice cream if you want, before we come back."

Reggie shook his head, "It's okay."

"When the time your dad gonna come?"

"Soon."

He start playing with his hand, itching for his guitar because he hates the silence, hates the smell of hospital, hates that he can't do anything for the Molina's. 

"Mom ask for you, you know." 

He stops fidgeting. "She does?"

Reggie nods. "You can. See her i mean. Before dad come and take over."

"Should I? Am I not intruding? " He asked hesitantly. 

Because it's one thing to go to the hospital to pick up Reggie or Ray once in a while when they ask him to, but to see Rose when so very few people that allowed to see her, seem excessive. 

Reggie smile turn sad, "I think you should."

+++

The thing that he first notice is the smell. That sterile chemical smell of the hospital is so strong he have to hold back the urge to block his nose. 

He can see the arrangements of dahlia's near the bed, Rose favorite. 

And then Rose. Her skin that was vibrant looks sickly pale, her curls that was once as unruly as Julie's own has been gone completely, replaced by a pink bandana that covered her head. 

Rose looks frail. It unevers him seeing Rose, lively Rose looks like this. 

He can feel the way his throat closed up, the way it takes a lot to still standing. 

Rose give him a small smile, "Hey Luke."

"Rose," He croaks. Fuck. He doesn't want Rose to see him like this. He cleared his throat and started again, "Hey."

"You certainly are a sight for sore eyes," She teased, her smiles widens. And for a while he can try, can pretend that this is just another morning in the Molina's household where Rose greeted him with his breakfast like always. "How are you?"

He try to muster up a smile, "I'm fine. The band is slowly getting the recognition it deserves too."

"Reginald is such a talented musician," She responded, proud. She seem to come alive just for a second. Eyes sparkling, talking about her firstborn. 

He tilted his head, "Just Reggie?"

"Alexander is also a great musician."

He huffs. Pretend to be offended. Putting his puppy dog eyes to full effect, "Rose."

She grinned, "I don't think that I need to say how talented you are. It will only make your head bigger."

He faltered, remembering the last time someone say that to him. 

Julie. 

After that night, they never seem to be alone. Either he was in a band practice with Reggie and Alex or Julie is busy with her school, her friends, Rose. 

He knows how many times after school that she decided to spent on the hospital, accompanying her mother after being allowed to. 

He doesn't resent her for that no. It's just. It's getting frustating because he feels like they lost their chance over and over again. 

"Can I give you advice mijo?"

He looks up seeing Rose, smile all knowingly at him, her eyes filled with mischief. 

(It's the first time she calls him that. He will realize it later) 

"I think I know enough about guitar now," he response cheekily trying to lighten the mood. 

Rose laughs weakly at that, "So confident. Even when you're little and didn't know any better. I'm gonna miss that." 

"It's a part of my charm."

Rose nods, "Yeah it really is. I think that's one of the reason why Julie likes you."

He tried to open his mouth, but no sound come out. Molina's women really like to give him a heart attack huh. 

"We both know that's true, Luke." Sensing his hesitation, she continues. "And i know you like her too. So what's holding you back?"

"I don't know." 

(He think that it's the safest answer, but realizes not long after that, he means it) 

Rose looks thoughtful, "You know it takes a lot of time for me to understand. But after I meet Ray, my dearest love i think I understand a little better."

He let out a breath, "And what is that?"

"Everything in this world is just us trying to our best to put our messy feelings, emotions and story into something tangible. To be human at it's core is the longing to be understood."

He nods, let himself listen. 

"And when you finally find something, or someone that makes sense in all of this mess, don't let that go. That's rare, mijo."

He bites his lips, "It's not that simple."

"And why is that?"

"I'm scared."

(It's relief. The relief that overwhelmed him after admitting something that he's been hiding for so long) 

"I know you're scared. But don't run okay? She's gonna need you. You know after... "

(He desperately want to act dumb. That he didn't know what she's talking about) 

He shook his head, petulant, "You're not. Stop saying things!"

She smiles sadly, "But i do mijo."

"You shouldn't give up so easily," He retorts angrily. But he knows it's not true either. He's seen Rose tries, he's seen how Rose has fight her battle. 

Rose seem to have the same realization, "I don't want to either. But sometimes you have to accept that sometimes you lose the battle, Luke."

He can feel the prickle of tears that start clinging on his eyelashes, the sadness that overtake him. 

"Be brave for my Julie, okay?"

"I'll try my best."

Rose sighed, "That's all I'm asking."

"Are you sure you want Julie to be with me?" He joked. "Julie's incredible and all."

"She is isn't she?"

"You've raised a wonderful daughter."

Rose beams so bright, it makes his heart ache, "I know."

"I'm sorry I've hurt her. Before..."

Rose waved her hand, "It's in the past. Beside knowing that when I left you're gonna be there...It's enough. You've grown to be a remarkable young man, mijo."

He can feel his face redden from the compliment, can feel the finality of her tone. It's a lot. 

"To be human, is to belong." Rose continues, gently. "So can you take care of my family for me?"

(Like Rose need to ask. Like they haven't take care of him since he was little.)

In the haze of his tears, he nods. "I will."

+++

Reggie didn't ask about the puffiness of his eyes, or the fact that he seem to be clearly shaken. 

He just ask him to go first, to greet Ray before they go back home. 

He promised to drive, but Reggie offered to drive. He agreed, knowing that he needed it. 

Letting the radio turn on loud, he let himself drown on his thoughts. 

Of the promise that he keep to Rose. With shaking hands, he open his phone. 

/vidly recall the way   
your laughter ring in the air,   
my devotion come arise and made anew/

Relieved, he close his eyes. 

And let himself be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay a side note. rose cancer may seem to be too fast for some people, but i take it from my own experience
> 
> my best friend was diagnosed with leukimia at the start of may 2019 and he died january of 2020, and i was there when he died. it's not because of covid, it's his cancer
> 
> so i would like hear your honest opinion if you have it down bellow
> 
> the next chapter will be out next week. probably. it could be longer, who knows


	12. chapter twelve: my sweet love, won't you pull me through?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> title come from trouble by cage the elephant. this chapter was hard to write. I was gonna upload this on monday but it makes me nervous. 
> 
> I keep writing and rewriting things and hope you enjoy this mess

Rose Molina died peacefully in her sleep on Saturday night, while her husband was by her side, keeping her company. 

It's a fitting end, Luke thinks. Because out of anyone who deserves a painless death, it should be Rose. 

Rose who is larger than life itself, who's lively and warmth and kind, who deserves to have a long live. But she didn't. 

He was with Reggie when he hears the news. Sitting next to him while they have a movie night that followed with him sleeping over, something that used to be a thing but now stops. 

They try to get back to it. 

It was when he realizes Reggie took too long to take the popcorn from the kitchen when he see the other boy seem to be ashen, hands tightening on the kitchen counter. His phone was lay haphazardly next to him. 

"Reg?" He called gently. Walking slowly towards him. "Hey dude. You're okay?"

"Luke." Reggie voice sound small, it's odd seeing like him this. "Mom... "

He can feel his heart drop to the bottom of his stomach. Oh. 

(He has prepared himself for the news for a while, bracing himself for it, realizing the finality of his last conversation with Rose. 

It still caught him off guard, the force of it. How he can feel himself get chocked up, the way he can feel the familiar pinprick of tears) 

Gingerly, he try to take Reggie's hand. It seem like the only thing that keep him centered is holding on tightly to the kitchen counter because Reggie crumbles on the kitchen floor, a mess of tangled limbs that seem to break completely. 

He knelt down, trying to hold Reggie who is trembling in his arms, who seem to can't stop shaking. 

"I tell her it's okay. If she wants to go, it's okay. I promised I'll take care of Julie and Carlos for her. Why do I still cry? "

(He promise himself that he won't cry, not now when Reggie needed him the most. 

It's not him who has lost a mother, who lost a piece of himself. But he might as well) 

"It's okay Reg. It's okay."

"I should be happy, she's gonna be fine isn't she?" 

(Reggie sound so lost, and he can feel the way his throat tighten) 

"Reg..."

"She's gonna be fine now." Reggie replayed it again, like a broken record. Nodding his head, trying to convince himself of the fact. 

Tighten his hold on Reggie, he places a kiss on Reggie's forehead because he doesn't know how to take the pain away, how to make it all better. 

So he hold Reggie, and hope for the best. 

+++

He didn't know how much times they spend on the Molina's kitchen floor but Reggie smile sadly at him, asking him to check on Julie. 

(Reggie said they're gonna go to the hospital tomorrow morning while Ray preparing all the funeral preparations in the hospital) 

If she's awake or she already asleep, deep in slumber while Reggie check on Carlos who they both know already asleep. 

(For Julie's sake, he hopes it's the latter) 

He finds Julie curling up in her bedroom floor, clutching the framed picture of her and Rose. 

Tucking one of her wild strands, he try to give Julie a reassuring smile, "Jules."

She blinks, surprised. "Luke."

He nods, caressing her head gently. Letting the silence hang between them. He doesn't know how process this. Doesn't know how to make it all alright. 

(But he's gonna try, he's gonna try his hardest) 

"Dad.. He just called. He tells me something funny."

Silence. 

Julie seem to be miles away, "He told me mom passed away. He told me.. Mom's gone. She's not coming back."

"He's lying right? Mom probably asleep and she's gonna wake up soon."

He can't offer her empty promises. Can't tell her that it will be okay. 

"Jules."

"Please tell me he's lying... Please," Julie begs, clutching his hand for dear life. "Please tell me mom's not gone."

"Julie... "

Seeming to break from her trance, he sees Julie shatter in front of him, a loud sobs jump out of her lips. 

He desperately want to take all the hurt, it's agony seeing her aching like this. 

It's the urge to hold her and shelter her from the world that moved him to take her into his arms. 

He can feel Julie's tears at the crook of his neck, the way her breath come out shaky, her trembling cold fingers digging at his shoulder blade. 

Figured that Julie must be freezing on her bedroom floor wearing only her shorts and t-shirts, he decided to carry her, trying to keep his mind focused at the task because he's holding Julie's bare leg while he carry her back to her bed, safe and sound. 

(If this any other time, he thinks he might combust) 

Gently, he put her down, covering her body with the blankets, while he sat down next to her. He doesn't think he can leave her tonight. 

He can feel his hand start to cramp from caressing Julie's head, can feel the exhaustion that start to creep in. 

Julie's tears seem to lessen, and it take him a while to realizes she try to reach his hand. 

It's still cold as ice, still cold to touch. And without thinking about it he kiss it, trying to back the warmth of Julie's skin. 

(He can hear her sharp intake of her breath, the way her finger seem to tighten for just a fraction of second. 

If this any other time...

Well there's no time to dwell upon it isn't it?) 

Julie clears her throat, "Can you stay? Please?"

He nods, climb to the other side of the bed while Julie move, trying to give him space. 

Pulling her to him, he latched his fingers on her waist while her hand already clinging tightly to his arms, her breath come out in short gasp at the crook of his neck.

"You're okay Jules," He whisper softly, bestowing a gentle kiss on her forehead. "You're okay."

He lay there, quiet while he whisper nonsensical things on Julie's ear until he can feel her breath start to even out while she falls asleep, hoping that the safety of her subconscious will help her a little bit, the small reprieve of forgetting.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know grief well but idk why this is so hard for me to write :( 
> 
> I hope it's not as terrible as I think it is


	13. chapter thirteen: can you see me I'm waiting for the right time?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> title come from bags by clairo. or alternatively luke trying his best to get the girl. 
> 
> i hope you enjoy this as much as I like writing it.

"You are driving too slow Lex."

"And you are being impatient," Alex snaps back at him, annoyed. 

"I can drive you know," Reggie pipes in from the back, the leftover popcorn still in his lap while Julie sit next to Reggie, scrolling through her phone, looking bored. 

It's been a month since Rose passed away, and all of them is trying their best to have that sense of normalcy again. 

It's Alex who's been a saving grace. Who hold Reggie without a word on the bad days and being patient with him when his temper is getting the best of him. 

Who's already being a loyal companion to Julie. He can often see them dancing around jokingly in the Molina's living room, and glimpse her smile that is rare to witness these days. 

She avoid him the morning after. He try not to be offended, figuring that she needs time and space after everything. 

He can wait. He's been running and being scared of his feelings with Julie for years, already accepted that it will never get away, not now not ever. 

He's been waiting for Julie for years. What's a little more? 

(It's easier said than done) 

He try to hold back his groan seeing the speed limit, "Goodness Alex, you're slow."

"Because I don't want anyone to get injured!"

"I can drive!"

Simultaneously he and Alex seem to agree on one thing, "No!"

He can see Reggie pouting at them both, can hear Julie snickering at them her eyes still glued to her phone. 

(Okay what is it that's so interesting that she can't look up from her phone the whole night? He's started to get frustrated. It's one of the rare times that he get to spend with Julie and she's on her phone?) 

(Even though yes he knows, there's Alex and Reggie in this rare occasions, on these weekly outings they do after Rose passed away) 

"You guys are no fun," Reggie grumbles, stuffing himself once again. 

"I don't want you being distracted like last time!" Alex shout, exasperated. 

"That dog was so cute though! Of course I'm gonna stop!"

"We were gonna go to the movies!"

"Well it's not like we miss much."

"Reggie!"

Reggie shrugs. "What? It's true."

"Alex." It's not Reggie who's calling Alex like he expects him too. It's Julie. "Alex, stop."

A little confused, he can see Alex makes a second split decision before deciding to find a parking spot that won't get them a parking ticket. 

When they stop, the sight seem to be familiar but he can't put his finger on it. 

Julie sprints to the old playground, the slide seem to have seen better days, a monkey bar that look rusty and the swings that seem to barely works. 

He looks at Reggie who looks grim, seeming to understand Julie's urgency. 

"Mom used to take us here, remember? There's that old taco's truck that Mom loves so much."

"Oh." It's Alex who says it, not him but he feels like that statements sums up his thought too. 

It's only for a few months, but he remember it now. He used to play tag with Reggie while running up and down the slides, being annoyed by Julie because she always want to play too. 

He can see how she just stand in the middle of the old playground, seem to be lost. 

_Go_ , Alex points discreetly towards Julie. 

He only glares. He doesn't want to approach Julie when Reggie's still here. 

Alex clears his throat, "Reg, I think I saw a bakery down the street. Why don't we just go? My treat."

Reggie nods, still forlorn but seem to be brighten with the promise of food. 

Thank god Reggie is distracted enough that he didn't question why Alex didn't ask him to go. 

"What are you trying to do? Acting like you're in a movie?"

Look, he knows it's not his best, but he's too busy being distracted with Julie closing her eyes and letting the wind playing with her hair like that. 

He rarely get to see that Julie anymore, because his Julie from their walk in the morning has also gone. 

Opening her eyes, Julie looks at him, "Where's Alex and Reggie?"

"Food," He answer simply, making Julie snort. 

"Of course."

"Food is important, Jules."

"Yes, I'm aware of that."

"We are growing boy who needs all the nutrition the world has to offer to be strong."

This time Julie laughs, as he can feel the butterflies in his stomach come alive again. 

Tilting her head, Julie ask, "Then why don't you go with them?"

Deciding for the truth he admits, "I prefer talking to a pretty girl."

Julie smile drops. It makes him awkward, thinking that he pushes her too much. But there's nothing wrong in his statement isn't it? It's just the truth. 

Seeming to ignore his statement, Julie continues. "We should go back."

"What's the rush Jules?" He respond lightly, testing the waters. 

"I forgot, Flynn is calling me after this. You know. Girl stuff."

Honestly, if Alex laments about his ability to lie he really should see how terrible Julie at lying is. 

Without thinking about it too much, he snatch Julie's phone out of her hand.

"LUCAS!"

He shook his head, raising his arm above his head so she can't reach it. "Why you're avoiding me?"

"I'm! Not! Flynn is gonna call me! She's gonna be very pissed!" Julie huffs, frowning at him. "Lucas!"

He only smiles at her. It shouldn't make him happy, seeing Julie like this. But he miss, Julie. His Julie. 

Sensing his distractions, Julie jumps her hands able to take the phone from his grasp. 

But with him being so distracted and Julie still out of balance, they fall on the ground, his torso hit the sand first with Julie following not long after. 

(He can smell her sweet yet intoxicating smell of her perfume, of Julie filling his lungs) 

"Shit! I'm so sorry Luke. I'm so sorry!"

Oh right. Julie. On top of him. Right. 

Scrambling fast, Julie seem to get off him in no time. He try not to be disappointed with it. 

"It's fine," He replied, rubbing the back of his neck self-consciously. 

The silence between them is worst than before. 

"I miss her." It's Julie who's breaking the silence, her voice break at the end of it. "I really really miss her."

Slowly, giving her a plenty of time to let go he let his arm drapes around her form, putting his head at the top of Julie's own. "I know."

"And when I saw this park, there's a part of me that know it's impossible but i just..."

He tighten his hold. 

"It's not fair! She should be here! She should see me go to college or.. seeing me achieve my dreams. She should see me in wedding dress as I walk down the aisle! She should be here giving me advice because I don't know what am I supposed to do without her!"

He let out a breath, "I think you're stronger than you give your credit for, Jules."

Julie let out a disbelieving laugh. 

"Hey," He said gently cupping her face, as she shook her head trying to avoid his eyes. "You are strong, Jules."

He can feel the warmth of Julie's soft breath washes over him as she open her lips, "I don't think that's me, Luke."

Stroking her cheek he continues, "You are strong and incredible and amazing and i know you can do anything you put your mind into. And Rose will be proud for the girl that you are now and that girl in the future. Because you're Julie Molina."

He knows her ghost will always be there. It's not something that will go away anytime soon. But he can see how his words soothe her a little bit, how she leans into his touch like it's the thing that grounded her, it's enough. 

He really want to kiss her. It would be easy. 

But he knows it's not the right time. 

Trying to difuse the tension, he clears his throat. "It takes time for me to remember this place. But I think that's the monkey bars that I challenged you once, right Jules?"

Turning around, she looks at the monkey bars. He can see the beginning of a smile started to bloom on her lips. "Oh yeah. I remember. That was cruel."

He chuckles, "But you still do it anyway."

"Because I want to prove you wrong!"

"You were so annoying back then. Following us around like you have nothing better to do."

"Hey!" Julie admonished, still smiling wide. 

He give her a soft smile, "But I admire your determination Jules. I still do. That's all Julie Molina, no one else."

Diverting the conversation, Julie replies, "I really was annoying back then huh?"

"Still do."

Julie pushes his arm,"Way to make a girl feel needed, Luke."

He shrugs, "I aim to please."

Julie just roll her eyes. The silence this time, is comfortable. Filled with some snipet of random topics that slipped through here and then. 

When Alex and Reggie finally come back with their haul, he realizes, Julie never answer his question. 

  
+++

  
It's different being in the Molina's kitchen in the morning this time. 

There's no Rose cooking, her warm smile greeted him. Instead there's Ray, cooking a toast for all of them in the morning, a cup of coffee in his hand. 

"Morning Luke."

He nods, offering his glass for the coffee. 

"You're up early," Ray remarks, curious. 

He shrugs, knowing that it's because he used to go with Julie at the crack of dawn has slowly turning him into a morning person. "Can't sleep."

"Is this happening a lot?"

He waved his hand, can hear the worried tone that creep on Ray's voice. "No worries. I'm fine."

"That's what people says when they're actually not."

He snort, "You sound like your daughter."

"Well, Julie is a smart young woman. Like her father."

He grins, amused. "Of course."

Ray nods, like it's a given. "I never say sorry you know."

"For what?"

"Rose. You lost her too."

He falters, didn't expect that at all. "It's okay."

"And I guess thank you are in order too. For taking care of my children."

He can only nods, too afraid to talk because he can feel his throat tighten. 

Ray smiles, understanding. And the silence that hangs between them is comfortable. 

He's finishing his breakfast when Julie, Reggie and Carlos join them. Carlos already wide awake while Reggie still bleary eyed. Julie looks comfortable, hair pulled in a messy bun and an oversized sweater hugging her body. 

(He wants to ask her again, the question that she didn't get to answer last night) 

He probably look at Julie longer than necessary because she snaps at him, annoyed. "What?"

"What?" He answer back, confused. 

"What is it? Is there something on my face?"

He didn't mean to annoy her but seeing Julie looking flustered like this is something he can get behind "Am I not allowed to look at you?"

Julie rolls her eyes, "No it's just. Ugh, you can look at whatever you want to look at but why me it's..."

"I just like looking at you Jules," He says simply. "You're beautiful."

Three pair of eyes seem to pin him down immediately. Shit. He forgot they're not alone. 

Julie eyes widens, a flush started to form on her cheeks. 

"Eat your toast mija before it gets too cold."

Julie nods, still looking flustered. He can't hold back his grin, feeling pleased with himself. 

Ray clears his throat, "I thought you're already done eating, Luke?"

"Yes sir," He muttered, quickly standing up refusing to meet Reggie's confused gaze, Carlos amused one and Ray stern one. 

This morning proves to be interesting after all. 

+++

It started turning into a game. 

He compliment Julie as much as he can, to make up for lost time. 

She doesn't take him seriously most of the time, only rolling her eyes, continue talking to him without addressing it or just straight up ignoring him. 

It's all fun and games at the start, when he's being even more creative with the adjectives he uses to describe her. But now it started to get frustrating. 

Julie Molina will be the end of him. 

He still does it because there are rare occasions where he can make her so flustered, the pretty flush in her cheeks seem to make her skin luminous, combined with her sharp intake of breath is something that so addictive he can't seem to stop to chase that image of her. 

They never talk about the implications of it all. He's still trying to give her space, because she deserves it. But honestly? Not talking about it seem to make it worse. 

That night, they were in her room with the door wide open, courtesy of Ray while Julie trying to teach him how to paint nails. 

It started with Alex going to the band practice with his nails painted pink, trying to piss off his own parents who still refuses to acknowledge his sexuality. Alex who turn red because Willie seem to like his nails too, so he ask Julie to paint his nail every once in a while. 

Knowing that, he started pestering Julie to paint his nails, not just Alex. Reggie doesn't seem to mind, Julie already feels like a part of sunset curve anyway. 

But Julie refuses, adamant that she will only paint Alex nails. So it suprised him when he lounge around her room and jokingly putting his hands on her lap asking for his nails to be done and Julie doesn't refuse. Just sigh, resigned and started to find her nail polish. 

"Is this really happening?" He ask excitedly. 

Julie snort, "So you can stop being annoying."

"Hey!"

Julie grins at him, and he can feel his brain short circuiting for a while there. 

She hums, biting her bottom lip in concentration. Yup. His brain will need time to work again after this. "I'm gonna choose the tackiest color so you'll hate it and stop asking me to do this."

He shook his head, "I think that's impossible Jules."

She tilts her head, "And why is that?"

"Because I'll love anything that you do."

Julie freezes, before continuing to open the can of nail polish like there's nothing wrong. If it's not for the way her hand shakes lightly, he will think that he doesn't hear her. 

He doesn't push her. Even though he wants to. He really really want to. 

Humming softly, he started the tune of falling for you. He can see Julie falters before she continues, avoiding his eyes. 

Patient. He needs to be patient.   
He have time. They have time. 

He let the silence washes over them, the weight of million words left unsaid. 

"Done," Julie whispers. 

"Thank's Jules," He whisper back. 

The smile that she gave him is fond, it makes his heart clench painfully under his ribs, because he want her so much. "You'll hate it."

Slowly being careful with his nails, he tug at her hair. Lightly. "I told you that's impossible, Jules."

"That doesn't even sound possible," she replied, her voice sound small. 

"It is possible. Because it's you, Jules."

She let out a shaky breath. Her eyes seem to be focused on her fingers for a while. 

When she looks up at him, her eyes seem looks different, determined. "I think you should go."

He blinks at her, suprised. "What?"

Julie purses her lips, "I'm tired, Luke. I think you should go."

He doesn't know what happened, what he does wrong this time. But he listen, he will follow her lead this time. 

Standing in front of Julie's closed door, he wonders when gonna be the right time then? 

+++

"Stop moping!"

"I'm not!"

"You really ruin the whole vibe here dude," Alex continues. "Julie likes you."

He grumbles, "It doesn't seem like it."

"She totally does."

It takes time for him to realize that it's not Alex, but Reggie who says it. 

He sat up instantly. Fuck. 

"Reg..."

Reggie rolls his eyes, "You both are being too obvious. And anyway when are you gonna tell me that you like Julie?"

He frowned, "You're not mad?"

"I was," Reggie corrected. "But I know how much you adore her."

He sighs, relieved. He was wondering about the possibility of telling Reggie before, but he figured he'll do it after he ask Julie. 

Come to think of it, the idea is kinda stupid. 

"Don't hurt her, or else I will personally haunt you Luke," Reggie retorts matter of factly. "I love you like a brother but all of that won't matter if you hurt her."

"Same," Alex pipes in. 

He should be offended that Alex and Reggie seem to choose Julie over him. But he knows if he hurt Julie again he will resent himself too. 

"I'll try not to," He answer, serious. Alex and Reggie seem to accept his answer. 

Reggie blinks, finally realizing something. "Oh wow. We're gonna be real brothers huh?"

He can feel his face started to redden from the implications, "I don't think that's what I have in mind at the moment. No. "

Alex snort loudly, "I'm pretty sure it is. "

"Shut up!"

Alex cackles while Reggie looks pained. "Just promise me that you won't kiss each other in front of me."

He smiles, his eyes twinkiling with mischief. "No promises."

  
+++

He try not to move too much, betraying his nerves. He was contemplating on how to do this,   
should he serenade her like she does with him? 

When he tells Alex this, the other boy just roll his eyes, "You just need to straight up asking her because I feel like it's getting nowhere at this point."

So that's what he's planning to do. Biding his time, he sat down in her plush carpet, playing with his phone. 

It feels wrong, waiting in her room like this. But he will lose his nerves if he needs to wait any longer. 

He can hear the loud footstep of Julie's own that makes him immediately stand up. 

She let out suprised yelps, staring at him acussingly, "What are you doing here?! Boundaries Luke!"

"I think I'm in love you."

He can hear Julie's sharp intake of breath as she froze. Shit. He doesn't mean to say it immediately, ambushing her like this. 

Deciding to throw caution to the wind, he walks forward. "I know that I'm in love with you. "

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> idk the ending seem so clunky but I really want it to end there, so until next time!


	14. chapter fourteen: your love is my turning page, only the sweetest words remain

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> idk what is this. I hope it's worth the wait. Title come from turning page by sleeping at last

"Stop with this nonsense, Luke."

He froze, feeling like a deer caught in the headlight because he didn't expect this. He already expected the worst scenario, that she would laugh, that she'll reject him and say she deserves better,

(She does. Julie deserves the best things the world has to offer, but he's also selfish enough to admit he always want Julie to be his) 

But not this. Julie looks tired. Resigned. 

"You are not in love with me," Julie says, walking closer towards him. He doesn't miss the way her brown eyes seem blazing, the freckles of gold become prominent. "Because you're not, Luke."

"Who says that I'm not?" He shoot back, suddenly feeling angry. "I am Jules."

"You're not!" Julie scream back at him, pressing her fingers at his chest. "You're not!"

"Why? Because I'm not good enough for you?" It stings, but if that's the reason so be it. 

"Because you left!" Julie let out a breath, her hand seem to be shaking badly. She close her eyes, "Because you left, and I spend years asking myself why."

"Julie..." He croaks, already feeling chocked up because he can't take those years away. He can't take those pain away. 

"And you come back after the things with Mom... That's not love Luke. You can't just come back because you feel needed."

With every words that Julie utters makes his blood run cold, makes his heart ache because in his haste of saving himself, he has hurt Julie so deeply in the process isn't he? 

"You just pity me, Luke." Julie voice sound small. "Nothing else."

Seeing the way Julie turning her back to him, he knows he won't have another chance again. 

"I am not brave, Jules." He started, his voice tight with emotions. He can see Julie pauses, her hand already holding the doorknob. "And I hate the fact that knowing my heart already burst out of my own chest and has been cradled by the safety of your own hand is something that I found so terribly terrifying."

He can see the way her hand tighten on the doorknob, so he barells on. "I keep focusing on the bad part when i often forget. You are happiness made flesh right in front of my eyes, and i am in love with you."

"And it's not because of pity, and it's not because I needed you to need me Jules," He continues, determined. "It has been too long since I wished myself of good things."

He stay rooted, waiting for Julie to say something, anything when out of nowhere Julie has clung to him so tight he can't barely breathe. 

"You're an idiot." He can hear Julie mumbled voice at the crook of his neck. Can feel her tears, clinging to his skin.

One of his hand has griped her waist while he cups her cheeks, breathing her in. _Julie, Julie, Julie._

And when her lips meet his own, tasting the taste of both of their tears in his lips, feeling the sharp inhale that come out of Julie lips, the small sound she makes when he pulls away, he thinks that the poets were wrong. 

(Because he thought he knows how heaven been described all along. 

But tasting Julie feels like his own personal taste of heaven, if not better) 

  
  


* * *

  
He feels like he made of light. 

Laying down next to Julie while they traded hushed whisper, spilling secrets like they have all the time in the world. 

He found himself wanting more. 

He kissed her nose, just because he can while Julie blinks languidly at him, surprised

"I'm being spoiled," She teased, her smile blinding. Her hand has been latched into his arm immediately, making the familiar circular motion and it has been driving him mad. 

"You deserve it," He muttered, kissing her cheeks. 

She rolls her eyes while he can see she's trying her best to hold back her smile. "You're an idiot."

"You tell me." He kiss her forehead instead. "I maybe an idiot, but I am your idiot."

Julie snort, but her eyes seem to tell a different story. "That's just terrible."

"But it's true," He whisper before he pulls her in, claiming her lips this time. 

He thinks it will be one of his favorite thing. Kissing Julie like his life depends on it.Maybe it does. 

Julie let out a soft sigh against his lips. It makes his brain go hazy with want. 

He kiss harder, pressing her body flush against his. Eliciting a short gasp, from Julie that seem to make things more difficult than it already is. 

Reluctantly he pull away, branding a small kiss at the back of her hand, single-minded focus brought by devotion trying to make loss of the time he has lost. 

(He want to make up for it. For all the things that's been lost. 

He won't give up Julie this time. 

Not again) 


	15. chapter fifteen: you know I'd rather drown, than to go on without you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is just pure fluff. I want to establish more things, but i end up writing 1k words of Julie and Luke being adorable
> 
> title comes from oceans by seafret

He was woken up by his phone ringing loudly on his night stand. Reaching out blindly, he finally answered it, after ignoring it for so long. 

(Who the fuck call someone at three AM?) 

"Luke." Even in his sleepy haze, he knows that voice. 

"Jules?"

"Hey. Did I wake you?"

He shake his head, even though he knows she can't see it. "No. No of course not. "

She giggles."You're a terrible liar."

"It's three AM Jules, my mind is still scrambling right now."

"I know." She grow quiet, before whispering, "I had a nightmare."

He stills, can feel his breath linger on his lungs. Hesitantly he ask, "Do you want to talk about it?"

"I'd rather not," She answer quickly. "Can you sing me a song?"

"What?"

"It's okay if you don't want to," Julie continues, voice small. "I'm sorry I call you at this hour."

(It's still make his heart clench painfully that Julie seem hesitant asking favor from him. 

Like all of this has been one big fluke, that he's gonna go away if she ask too much of him)

"You can ask me anything, Julie you know that."

"Yeah." He can hear Julie sighs. "I know."

Trying to lighten the mood, he started singing the opening to Baby Shark, 

_Baby shark, doo doo doo doo doo doo_   
_Baby shark, doo doo doo doo doo doo_   
_Baby shark, doo doo doo doo doo doo_

Julie giggle, before her laugh turning into a full belly aching laugh. He grins, feeling a little lighter hearing her happy. 

"Very romantic."

"I just woke up give me a break," He shoots back, can hear her laughing at him. 

Closing his eyes, he can picture her perfectly, curling up underneath the blanket, smiling widely, phone in her ears hearing him talk. 

He suddenly want her to be here, beside him. Fingers clinging to his arm while he fall asleep with her scent all around him. 

"I wish you were here, Jules."

"Me too." He can hear her smile, can picture her holding her blanket tighter wishing it was him like he do right now. 

"I miss you," He admits. "Even though I probably see you in the morning anyway."

"Clingy," She teases. 

He shrugs, unbothered. "I am."

"Can you sing to me again then."

"You really like baby shark that much huh?"

Julie snort, amused. She pauses again. He try not to freak out, knowing that sometimes she needs time getting used to do this, to them. 

"I think it will make me sleep better. Hearing your voice. It's like... You're here with me. Even though you're not."

Something burst in his chest, warmth started to fill him up to the brim. "Okay."

***

He thinks after everything that they went through, things will get easier. That his words will be enough to heal of things past. 

(Spoiler alert. It doesn't) 

Loving Julie has always been easy, carefree Julie with the gap between her teeth, who's smile seem able to calm the storm that reside in his chest. 

Julie who likes to learn new things. New books to read, new movies to watch, new music to listen to .Julie who likes to learn new things about him as much as he loves doing the same to her. 

But this Julie has her dark days to. Where her smile is different, her eyes dim. 

He try to learn to loves that part of her too. 

(He try to love her always-especially on her dark days because he knows, that's when Julie needs him the most) 

It's Julie's birthday today, and he knows it's particularly hard on her this time. 

He knows the Molina's try their best to make it special, to fill the hole that left behind by Rose, but he knows that it's not that easy either. 

When he's sure everyone has fall asleep, he sneaks out of Reggie's room quietly, walking towards Julie's room. 

Opening the door slowly, he saw Julie still wide awake, eyes glued to her ceiling. 

"Julie."

"Luke," Her eyes widened. Surprised. "Hey."

He clears his throat, walking a little closer. "Can I stay here?"

She nods, "Yeah. Sure."

It's still a little awkward, trying to navigate their new relationship. He knows Julie still waiting for him to run, to leave when things get rough. 

It's still a little fragile, but he try his best this time, to be patience, to give her the space she needs, to follow her lead. 

Hesitantly he climbs to the side of the bed. Letting the silence washed over them before he reach out, arms curling to Julie's waist, face burried in the hollow of her neck, breathing her in. 

He can feel Julie's let out a breath, relived. Like she's drowning and his touch is the oxygen that she desperately needs. 

"I can hear you thinking," He mutters, his fingers is too busy tracing love letters at her back, wishing he could utter it without scaring her away. 

Julie huffs, "You're gonna think I'm foolish."

"Try me." 

"I keep expecting the worst you know," She sighs. Her hold tightening. "From you. I keep expecting you'll be gone."

He shake his head, know that she can feel it anyway. "Never."

"But you did, once. You left," She accuses, voice small and quiet. 

He tensed, still feeling guilty and cursing past him who's terribly stupid and afraid, "And I plan not leaving you this time."

"But that's the thing," Julie insist. "You can't promise me that."

"I can."

"Mom promised that she won't leave and where is she now?"

He swallowed, hard. Trying to prove that he means it, that he will try to find his way back to her, in every life time, in every universe. 

Caressing her cheeks, begging her to look at him he smiles at her. Trying to commit to memory, the shape of her irises, the color of her eyes, the depth of it. 

"I promise you I will try. I will try my hardest to come back to you, no matter what, " He starts, taking her hands and putting it on his beating heart. "Because this is yours Jules. For as long as you live, you'll have me. You'll have me, okay?"

Julie grows silence. He lets it, letting their breath mingled together because this is not for him, it's never about him. 

She took all of his oxygen away, when she kissed his hand with heart stopping reverence-and he knows it's answer enough. 

And when he kiss her this time, it feels like a promise, for better things. 

He knows they can get through this, together. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the next chapter will be me tying up loose end, with chapter seventeen being the epilogue from julie pov. 
> 
> until next time!


	16. chapter sixteen: whether near or far, I am always yours

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahhh I can't believe this story is nearly ending. Thank you for all the people that has been reading this until this point, to the people that leave kudos and special thanks to the people who's been commenting on this. 
> 
> I never write this much before in English. It's still crazy to me lol. 
> 
> Anyway, the title chapter comes from the end of all things by panic at the disco.

  
After graduating high school (He will not miss it. Honestly, high school was hell)

The fact that he's now a legal adult and the relationship he have left with his parents feels unsaved at this point, he decided to move out. 

Alex that feeling unhappy with his parent and the constant disapproval regarding the relationship that he have with Willie, the fact that his parents finally realized that 'It's not just a phase' decided to move out with him too. 

(When Alex tell him the news, he can't help but feel relived that he's not gonna go through this alone) 

Reggie that's always ready to follows him, the brother that he never had, decided to follow their footsteps too. 

("Are you sure you want to move out?" He ask, unsure. Reggie got a good thing going, Ray is an amazing dad, and probably won't mind supporting Reggie for a few more years.

Reggie just grins, open and bright. "And missing all the fun you had with Alex?") 

They were having a farewell party/helping Reggie pack his things courtesy of the Molina's, when he and Alex realizes that it's been too long since Reggie and Julie left them in Reggie's room. 

It's when they realize that the siblings cannot be found anywhere in the house that they both realize where they might be. 

Reggie doesn't mind going to the studio, doesn't mind playing in the space that once was Rose's. 

Seeming to realize his confusion, Reggie tells him , "Mom will be pissed if no one using this place," Reggie says, a fond smile on his lips. "And Julie doesn't want to come here..."

Tugging nervously with his bass string, Reggie continues, "I figured I should use it, to honor Mom's legacy."

Like he expected, he found the siblings in the studio. (How Reggie persuade Julie to come here after so long, he doesn't know) 

What he doesn't expect is finding Julie clutching to a piece of paper while Reggie hold her tight, tears streaming down both of their faces. 

He shared a look with Alex, understanding the situation. 

(If this is the old him, he probably pretend that he doesn't see it-hoping that Julie and Reggie is occupied enough that he can escape quietly. 

People crying still caught him off guard, he still feels like he's terrible at calming people down. 

But Julie's demon is the loudest these days and he promised he will be there for her) 

He pull Julie close, kissing her temple while her breath come out in short gasp, chest heaving. His other arm reach out for Reggie's shoulder, holding it tight. Alex arms has enveloped Reggie while his other hand caressing Julie's hip in a soothing manner. 

They become a cocoon, a mess of tangled limbs on the floor of the studio, sheltering Julie and Reggie from the world. 

He doesn't know how long he was there, he can feel his feet cramping, his back aching but he doesn't mind. 

Julie, Reggie and Alex is the only family he gets to have, and he will cherish it. 

When he finally gets a chance to see what's written in the sheet of paper that Julie's holding for dear life, he knows it's something of Rose. 

(It's the only thing that will get such intense reaction from the siblings) 

His heart still ache anyway, when he see Rose neat handwriting-complete with the chord and the lyrics and the note at the end, 

**_Julie, you can do it. Love, mom._ **

(It's for Julie, but he knows the words and the lyrics means a lot to Reggie too. 

His curiosity gets the better of him, so he decided to ask Reggie if he's envious that Rose left something for Julie and not for him. 

Reggie ponders upon it for a minute, "I don't mind. Julie needs it more than I do.") 

After, he can see how lighter Julie seem to be, how a piece of her heart seem to be mended, just a little bit. 

* * *

It's tough, the first few months. Trying to balance works and the band. 

They get a little better now, they have more fans now-who can memorize their songs and recognize them outside of the band. 

Ray helps the first few couple of months, paying for the rent, helping them how to figure out how to handle the plumbing and the electricity, making new bank account and all that crap that comes after being an adult. 

Adulthood. Fun. 

Julie still has her dark days even after she found wake up, even after she played it and broke down crying, calling him in tears that she feels so relived, that she can feel the weight has been lifted but she still miss her mom so damn much. 

(He sneak out to the Molina's after his shift, holding Julie in his arms until she falls asleep and sneak out quietly like the way he comes. 

Reggie doesn't live here anymore, and he doesn't want to test Ray patience once more like when he caught them one morning, sound asleep on Julie's bed) 

(The mortification, the dread that he's feeling that day is something that he can still feel to this day. 

"I've seen this coming for years, Luke. But this still caught me off guard."

He nods, trying to stay still. "Yes, Mr. Molina, sir."

Ray lips twitch in amusement and he can feel giddyness seeing it. Biding his time, Ray expression changed again to a more stern one. "She seems happy with you."

"She is happy. I will try to make her happy," He shoots back, sharp. Being mortified once more when he realizes who he's talking too. "Sir."

Ray chukles quietly. "Good. Now I know that her happiness is your priority too, I don't mind Julie being with you."

He can't help but grin, having the approval of Ray means a lot to him too, because he knows how much Julie loves her dad. 

"But Luke, no funny business until she's eighteen."

He can't help but flush, thinking about the stormy expression in Ray's face this morning finding Julie and him tangled together. "Yes sir.") 

Julie still has her nightmares, still calls Luke in the middle of the night asking him to tell her stories, to sing him a song. 

And even though it fucked up his sleeping schedule, that he end up woke up bleary eyed and tired when his shift started, it's worth it. 

* * *

**Two years later**

  
Look. He's trying to be romantic, okay. 

Is it a little creepy? Probably. But he knows the Molina's house like the back of his hand and it's not tresspasing when he have the keys right? 

He hopes that Julie get his text because it's gonna be weird when Ray decided to wake up earlier than expected and found him in the kitchen. 

Tapping the kitchen counter nervously, he looks at his phone. It's time. Where is Julie? 

He can hear the sound of footsteps, the rustling that the person made. When he looks up, he see Julie walking towards him, hair in a tight bun, wearing and oversized sweater and a short. 

Julie blinks, surprised when she see him. "You're really here."

"I'm really here."

Her smile burst slowly, and with wide steps she walks a little faster before launching herself at him. He catch her, holding her a little tighter. 

"I miss you," Julie muttered quietly. 

"I miss you too."

Sunset Curve has been an opening act and go on tour this couple of months, and he's happy. The dowside is that being away from Julie has been torture. 

Julie cups his cheek, caressing it gently. "I thought you just got back?"

"We did yeah." He's actually still using the clothes he wear from the airport, too excited to saw Julie and ask for Reggie's key for the Molina's house. 

"And you're here?" She ask, in disbelief. 

"I need my daily dose of Julie Molina," He teases, kissing her cheeks. She just shake her head, a small smile started to form on her lips. 

"Clingy."

"You like me clingy."

Julie hums, her hand has moved to grasp the back of his neck. "Unfortunately, I do."

He groans when Julie start leaving featherlight kisses against his jaw, trailing along the softest of kisses. "You really do miss me huh?"

"I do," He utters, gasping a little when Julie start kissing the corner of his lips-shaking her head when he try to chase her lips with his own. "You're killing me."

"That's the point."

He pouts, decided to nipped lightly at her neck, eliciting a quiet gasp past her lips. Before he can do something more, he stops, feeling smug when he hears the protest that come out from Julie's lips. "Doesn't feel good now right?"

"Tease."

"That's the point."

Julie just smiles softly at him, and he can't help but lean forward and taste her lips, something that he dearly miss. 

(He miss Julie's smile and Julie's laugh, and Julie's voice. He miss every inch of Julie Molina a whole lot too) 

He can feel her smile, can feel her hand tigten when he kiss her harder. It's addicting, kissing Julie.

In his haze, he realize they're still in the kitchen and Carlos or even worse-Ray could wake up at any moment. "Jules."

"Hmm?"

"As much I like kissing you right now, Let's go somewhere else before your dad sees us."

Julie rolls her eyes, "And the mood ruins."

"Well, I don't want to piss of my future father in law."

He doesn't realize what he's just saying, until too late. Quickly, he close his eyes, "Please, forget I said that."

Julie snort in amusement, "Father in law?"

"We're not talking about this."

"Do I miss the proposal or something?"

He grimace, "Jules."

Julie let out a faux gasp, "Oh my god, is it Reggie? I know there's something going on between you two!"

"You're not going to stop talking about this are you?" He retorts dryly. 

"Not even a little bit."

"Good to know."

"But I do expect a real proposal," Julie starts, hesitantly. "When the time is right."

He can't help the huge grin that form in his lips. "Got it."

(Years later, when he gets down on one knee and ask her properly this time, 

Julie doesn't even hesitate when she say yes) 

When they come out of the house, the sky has lighten a little bit. 

Over the years, he learn many version of Julie. Julie that likes to dress up, who wear dresses and fashionable top. Who doesn't want to leave the house until she looks presentable, even though he thinks she doesn't need it. 

But he thinks he likes this version of Julie a little more. Julie in the morning, who's a little sleepy, face bare without makeup. 

Julie that uttering his name in her sleepy voice, the sunlight that washes over her. 

"Your parent miss you." 

It's Julie that break the comfortable silence. The one that caught the longing in his face when they pass through his house. 

"They should have called then."

Julie sighs, "I don't like how the way they treated you either, but I don't want you to regret not making up with them, before it's too late."

He squeeze her hand, knows that Rose death still have a hold on her. "I know, Jules."

She nods wordlessly. Trying to lighten the mood, he says, "Or you can just move in with me so I doesn't have to go here often. You know trying to avoid my parent when your home literally next door is difficult, Jules."

"You're not serious are you?" Julie ask, unsure. 

"I am," He answer, realizing that he means it. He's just trying to tease her but the prospect of living with Julie, having his morning with Julie-the idea become more compelling each minute. 

Beside, he knows Alex is thinking about moving in with Willie, their relationship is getting stronger. 

He knows they are in a better place, that affording a new place won't be hard. Reggie probably want to have a place for himself too. 

"I think i can move in with you," Julie answer easily. Her eyes twinkling with mischief. "You're tolerable Lucas."

He pouts, offering the puppy-dog eyes that he's been perfecting over the years, "Can you say something better instead of 'you're tolerable'."

"I like you? "

He grins, still feeling giddy hearing the affirmation that come out of her lips, "I think i can take that."

He's leaning in to kiss her, but Julie hold him back, pushing at his chest a little bit. 

He frowned, seeing the apologetic smile Julie throw at him, the way she nervously playing with her fingers. "I think I can do better."

He become even more puzzled, "What?"

Ignoring him, Julie stand up straighter. With determination, Julie utters, "I love you."

He blinks, slow and languid. Wihout a word he surged forward and spin Julie round and around while she laughs. He doesn't care if the whole neighborhood will wake up he don't care. 

Putting her down, he start peppering her face with kisses. Her nose, her cheeks, her forehead, her lips. Kisses her again and again, before hugging her tight, burriying his face at the crook of her neck, "Why now?"

Julie giggles, he can see the joy that he feels mirrored on her face. "You accidentally proposed to me and then proceeded to ask me to move in with you. How can I not say it?"

He chuckles, "I should've done it sooner then huh? "

"Perhaps," Julie teases, before her face become serious again. "Maybe... it is true that i don't explicitly tell you a lot of things. I'm trying to work on that. But I love you Luke Patterson. "

He smiles, "I love you too."

_And this too, I shall promise you...._


	17. chapter seventeen: how do I say how much you really mean, when I can't find the words to speak

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is from Julie's pov. title chapter comes from all I need by, foster. This is end up longer than I planned and turn into more character study lol. 
> 
> also, I can't believe that we're at the end! it's been a journey and I hope you like this epilogue and enjoy this fic as a whole.

  
Julie start to take notice of Luke when he started staying at the house longer than he should be. Reggie is her best friend and her best confidante. How dare he take that away from her! 

But then she started to notice how much Luke seem to always follow Reggie wishes, and maybe Julie understand a little bit why Reggie likes to hang out with Luke so much. 

So Julie start to try to befriend him. They can share Reggie, she doesn't mind. 

But Luke seem to have other plan, ignoring her when she try to join them, doesn't acknowledge her when she ask him to sit next to her, pouting when one of the adults ask Luke and Reggie to invite her. 

Julie never lose hope though. Luke refusal make her more determined to makes him like her. Luke is being stubborn, so she'll show him what stubbornness really is. 

Luke started to grate on her nerves when he challenge her to play the monkey bar when they both know it's too tall for her. 

But she never backs down from a challenge, so she easily agreed. Julie remember how Luke faltered when she says yes. He doesn't expect her to say yes, and it gives her some kind of satisfaction when she realizes that she surprised him. 

It's when Reggie realizes what she's doing and why she's doing it and trying to stop her that she falls from the monkey bar immediately. 

Julie tries not to cry, she really not. But her knee is bleeding, her palm is bruised and filled with scarp that she can't help the small sob that come out of her lips.

She remember the way Reggie immediately pushing Luke down, the anger that is visible on his face. Reggie trying to soothe her, telling her that, "Mom will be back soon, Jules. I promise."

It's when Luke, without a word asking her to climb on his back-and she decided that she'll be as obnoxious as she can be. 

Julie cries harder when Luke pick her up, she let out a loud whine when he's being too slow but complain when he's trying to be faster. It's the most fun Julie had that dayday even if it doesn't last long. 

Luke sat her down on the bench near the playground, Reggie follows not far behind. Pleading Reggie to ask for their mom who just left them to go the toilet not far from the playground. 

Julie remember how Reggie refuse at first, afraid to leave Luke alone with her. She remember how Luke try not to look hurt by Reggie refusal. 

"It's okay Reg," She says at last. "I'll kick Luke ass if he try to do anything."

Luke snort in amusement, while Reggie just shake his head, a fond smile formed in his lips. "Wait here, I'll be right back."

Julie nods, letting her brother go. An awkward silence hang between them both. Luke is the one who break it first. 

Standing in front of her, rubbing his neck self consciously, Luke says, "I'm sorry."

She choose not to answer. Decided to focus on her bleeding knee that started to ache. Touching the area near it, biting her lips hard because she refuses to look weak in front of him. 

Julie doesn't notice it at first, determined to ignore Luke this time. 

But she should expect this right? Luke kneeling in front of her, his hand gentle-blowing cool breath on her bleeding knee. 

(No she doesn't expect this at all) 

Julie mouth open a little bit, surprised. Luke doesn't even falter, just keep repeating it while she stare at him. 

When her mom arrived with Reggie, her mom just smile in that secretive way of hers that Julie can't help thinking that she's in some weird joke. 

Not long after that, Luke agrees to sat next to her on the breakfast table. 

* * *

  
It's not like Julie planned for it. But there are several times when Luke and Reggie decided to play without her while she was asleep that she decided to crash on their sleepover. 

Reggie refuses at first, while Luke grows silence and let them argue. She thought that he doesn't like the idea either, but when it's time to sleep, without a word Luke drag her and let her sleep next to him, Reggie on his right while she was on the left. 

He left a little space between them, and she let it.   
But when midnight comes, and she can't fall back to sleep, Luke that seem to be woken up by her reach out to her and started patting her head trying to calm her down. 

Feeling a little guilty for waking him up, she take his arm and draws little circles as an apology. The repeated movement seem to calm her too, and she fall asleep not long after. 

The next time Luke sleeps on the house, he reach out to her again without prompting. Julie let it, start drawing the same circular motion again until she fall asleep. 

It started to become a habit, and soon Julie found that it's easier to fall asleep when she clings to Luke arms and draws the same pattern over and over again. 

Slowly, but surely Luke has started to fill her life too. When her mom played the piano, he ask her to dance with him because he noticed the way her face brighten when the music start-how she likes to move with the beat of the music. 

Luke seem to take attention of what she likes best, offering it to her on the breakfast table casually like it's not something that she find ~~romantic~~ charming. 

Julie likes it best when Luke plays though. His whole face transform into something different entirely and it's when she realizes she maybe have a tiny little crush on him. 

Okay, maybe not tiny. It's a whole lot. But Luke seem to treat her the same, always. So it's probably unrequited, this whole having a crush on your best friend brother but also your best friend thing. 

Is Luke her best friend though? Julie likes to think that way. She hopes Luke think the same too. 

* * *

Luke is being weird lately. It takes time for her to notice but it's started to become more obvious that he's avoiding her. 

Julie has already prepared a seat for Luke that morning, but Luke told them that he already eaten breakfasts courtesy of the Patterson and just willing to take the coffee that made by her dad. 

It's when she started to call him and she knows Luke act like he doesn't hear. "Luke!"

It's her third attempt today. Finally, Luke looks up gives her lazy grin before drinking his coffee slowly, deliberately. 

Julie huffs, a little annoyed. What does she do that makes Luke acting like this lately? 

"Maybe he knows that you like him?" Carrie suggest, giving Julie the juice box that she wants. 

Flynn hums beside her, "That's plausible."

Julie groans loudly. Burrying her face behind the pillows while Flynn and Carrie just shared a look of amusement. "I'm not that obvious."

Flynn just shake her head, reaching out to tug at one of Julie's curls playfully. "Jules, based on your story I feel like it's that obvious."

"You literally cuddles with him often," Carrie adds. 

"There's Reggie too!" She points out, still not ready to admit defeat. 

Carrie snort, "That just sound wrong."

She wrinkles her nose in disgust, "Ewww. That's my brother."

"I don't even know if Reggie third wheeling you and Luke or you're the one who third wheeling Luke and Reggie," Flynn wonders. 

All Julie wants right now is the earth to swallow her whole if her best friends keep steering away from the actual conversation. 

"The point is," Julie interject loudly. "Luke is avoiding me and I need to know why!"

"You could just ask him," Flynn says helpfully. "It's that simple Jules."

"Or you could just lay one at him."

"Carrie!" She shout, mortified. 

"What? I'm being serious. If he rejects you fine. There's plenty of fish in the ocean and what not. If he doesn't, good for you."

Flynn laughs, "I'm not opposed to the idea either."

Julie looks back and forth between her two best friend, before shaking her head. "I hate you both so much."

"I love you too," Flynn and Carrie replied at the same time mockingly. 

"Jinx!"

"Jinx!"

Flynn smirks, "You owe me a soda!"

Carrie just roll her eyes before she stands up again while Julie just sighs, still wondering about one Luke Patterson. 

* * *

Julie likes to think that she's good at lying but it seems that ability only comes to Carlos and not her nor Reggie. 

So when she had the big falling out with Carrie, her mother started to notice too. 

"Mija, do you want to tell me what's going on in that pretty head of yours?"

She let out a small smile, trying to comfort her mother. But it's no use, because suddenly Julie started spilling out all her insecurities and all the time she's feeling like she's gonna be left behind, that all of this was her fault. 

"Oh Julie," Her mother says gently, pulling her into a hug. She melt into it. "None of it was your fault."

"But what if it is?" She ask, a little shakily. "Luke left so suddenly and I don't even know why! And now Carrie is just.. "

"In life, that's normal mija," Her mother started gently. "People leave, people stay. That's how it works. If those people are meant to be in your life, they will come back eventually."

"That seem like a waste of time," She says, petulant. Her mother just laughs. 

"Things need to fall apart before things get better. Sometimes, you need to have the space to grow alone before you can be a better person."

"I don't like it."

"It will makes sense later mija. I promise."

Julie sighs, "I still don't like it. Being left behind."

Kissing Julie's forehead, her mother smiles at her. "I will never leave you mija."

"Promise?"

"Promise."

* * *

The thing is, Julie always have hated the way Luke knew her too well. 

Even when he keeps his distance and she try to keep hers, Luke still seem to understand her more than most people. 

It's annoying. It started to piss her off. 

It's harder to pretend that he's nobody when he remember how she takes her coffee. 

He shouldn't even help her when she try to take the glass at the top shelf, because all she could think about now is Luke warmth enveloping hers, and how badly she wants to kiss the crinkle near his eyes when he smiles at her after she says thank you. 

(She just want to kiss Luke a lot) 

Nope, not gonna think about it. 

Even when she started developing crush on Nick, that Julie knows is a waste of time anyway-she can't help but compare the similarities she found between the two and really Luke Patterson just ruin another people for her forever. 

It's her fault really for being so damn stubborn. 

So when Luke started to come back to her life, slowly but surely-Julie admitedly started having a crisis that involves a lot of whining to Flynn. 

Flynn just sighs, a long resigned one. Tilting her head Flynn says, "I can't believe I say this, but I will stick to the she devil advice for this. You really could just kiss him, Jules."

"Flynn!" 

"It's that easy. Kiss him and see if he's into it or not. If he thinks you as his little sister than he will be disgusted, leave you alone and you could pretend he doesn't exist again."

"I don't want him to leave again," Julie admits, playing with her fingers to hide her nerves. 

"Oh, Jules," Flynn whisper, tugging at her fingers before clasping their hand together. "If Luke doesn't see you as the amazing person that you are than he doesn't deserve you."

"You think so?"

Her best friend smiles at her, dangerously fond. "I know so."

* * *

  
When she started joining the band and Sunset Curve started to change into Julie and the Phantom, and they started to gain fame, Luke never wavers. 

Still devoted to her the same, still reaching out to her like she's his anchor, like she's her lifeline and the unwavering devotion still make her heart seem to burst with pride, with happiness because she was his and he was hers completely. 

But still, Julie have her doubts. 

She hated the fact that he has seen every facet of hers, especially the worst of her. 

(Oh how he has seen the worst of her) 

Luke has seen her defeated, despair weighing down on her shoulder. 

Has seen her anger, the ugly twisted part of her. 

It perplexes and frustate her to no end that after all these years, Luke still find it in his heart to love her. 

Julie remember asking him, sliding her fingers over his shoulder and settles her palm against the back of his neck so she can feel centered as she wait for him to answer. 

Luke only smiles at her, soft and gentle. She can feel his callused hand reaching out to pull her hand across his cheeks, his lip finding her palm, his eyes never waver from her. 

She end up kissing him for good measures, because she can't help it, not when Luke looks at her like that. 

"I'll say it again Jules," Luke whisper against her lips. "I'm here to stay. For as long as you live you'll have me."

She decided to shut him up and kiss him again and again. Because Julie knows, she knows. 

(Still it doesn't hurt knowing) 

She still try to understand, still trying to find some answer. 

But some time later when Luke smiles giddily at her like a child as he recites his vows, Julie have finally stopped trying to understand. 

Instead, as she stare to Luke's eyes, as the air seem to be taken straight out from her lungs, as she feel warmth enveloping her completely Julie thinks she finally learn how to feel. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and that's it. there will be no sequel for this or anything of sorts.
> 
> thank you for reading!

**Author's Note:**

> English is not my first language and this is the first time i tried making a story that more than 1k words
> 
> Kudos, comment, feedback are greatly appreciated


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